Semi-Organized Mom

two little monkey's

2012-01-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

Monkey

See,

Monkey

Do!

Never thought I could do it.

2012-01-26T16:36:00.001-07:00

Guess what!

My daughter is twelve and I can finally French Braid!

Go me!

Pinky swear!

2012-01-23T17:18:00.000-07:00

When choosing the color of your first cast...

I suggest you choose a lighter color, so people can sign it.

However, I wouldn't suggest wrestling with your ten year old little brother...

...just in case he accidentally breaks your other pinky, too.

The 'E' Word

2012-01-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

I had a mental breakthrough the other day. Not breakdown...breakthrough. It was one of those 'ah-ha' moments where I realized that my subconscious is still alive and kicking...and it can affect how I do things...without my approval.

Butterfield Canyon 10/16/2011 (15 lbs heavier)

A month ago, as I was slowly losing weight and feeling healthier than ever, I made a promise to myself. I promised that I would start to exercise if I reached a specific weight I hadn't seen in well over three years. As it so happens, I was just two pounds off from reaching that goal. I was set on starting this thing called 'exercise' within a few days...you know, if the scale would, uh, cooperate, that is.

Each morning I would step on the scale and watch it go up or down, but never down more than a few ounces. I started to become frustrated and wondered if maybe my age was the reason for my plateau. Regardless, there had to be a logical reason why I couldn't lose that extra pound...right?

Then it happened. Light bulb! Deep within the dark recesses of my brain, I began to see the light. It wasn't the scale or my age that was the problem.

It was me.

I've never been much of an active, athletic girl. I like doing things and being active, but not when it's in the form of 'exercise'. A leisurely hike in the majestic Utah Mountains, a stroll around the neighborhood on a warm evening, or even speeding around the track in a go-kart. It's all good and it's fun. Exercise, however, is not fun.

This morning I woke up and performed the same daily ritual and the scale was two pounds less than yesterday. I had finally lost that extra pound. I celebrated and then...

I exercised.

It was a start and that's all I can do. Start.

Amish Meat Loaf

2012-01-09T10:46:00.000-07:00

My Facebook friends have asked me to post my Amish Meatloaf recipe. Of course, I can't take the credit for this scrumptious recipe because I found it in an Amish cookbook several years ago. I can't remember if it is in Volume I or II and they are both packed away in storage until we move. If you love Amish cooking, you'll want to buy these two books. They are my favorite, and I have several different Amish cookbooks.

Amish Meat Loaf

Ingredients

2 pound uncooked lean ground beef (I use 93/7 usually)

3/4 cup uncooked oatmeal (Gluten-Free if needed)

2 large egg(s)

1 cup 2% reduced fat milk

1/4 cup onion(s)

Salt & Pepper to taste

Sauce:

1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce

1/2 cup unpacked brown sugar

1 1/2 tsp mustard

1/4 cup ketchup

Instructions:

Beat eggs; add milk to the oatmeal and let sit for 5 minutes. In large bowl, add ground beef, eggs, onions, salt and pepper; mix well. Add oatmeal w/ milk to the ground beef and mix well. Place into loaf pan. Bake 350* for 45 minutes. Cover with sauce and bake additional 15 minutes.

I usually double my recipe to feed our large family and to have leftovers. Our family does not eat many leftovers, but we don't waste a morsal here. So yummy!!! The next day, if you have leftover meatloaf, make a grilled meatloaf sandwich on your favorite bread....Gluten-Free if you're like me. When it's done grilling, add some sliced tomatoes and a piece of lettuce. You can put some mayo on it, but really you don't need it.

*My suggestion* Double your sauce recipe so that you have leftovers. Warm the leftover sauce in the microwave and then drizzle over each slice as it is served. YUM!! It's also great to have a bit leftover to drizzle on your sandwiches the next day. :)

Gluten Free Cookie Mix Review

2012-01-05T21:54:00.001-07:00

Recently I purchased a box of Betty Crocker Gluten Free Cookie Mix after reading several glowing reviews online. I even watched a YouTube video on how to prepare the boxed mix, just in case there were some secret gluten-free baking tips I needed to know. Oh, and I even searched for reviews on how to make it better, because that's just what I do.

Let me first confess that I was a self-proclaimed "Cookie Snob" until my snobbiness morphed into complete "Baked-Goods Snob". I can't help it that I'm extremely picky with what baked goods I'll eat. Cookies have to be almost under-baked on the inside with a tiny ring of crisp on the outside. Brownies need to be fudge-like and of double thickness....not overcooked thin bricks. That's besides the point...or is it?

Before my body decided to let me know, with a vengeance, that it could no longer tolerate gluten, I was extremely proud of my ability to bake amazingly scrumptious treats. Other people would ask me for recipes and others would just insist I bake this or that for an upcoming get together. Banana Bread, Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies, Brownies (a crowd favorite!) and crisps....all wonderfully moist and decadent. Obviously, I had a talent for baking. Key Word: had

When I went Gluten-Free on July 16, 2011 I did not bake...I was scared to. Partly because I didn't know squat about gluten-free baking, but mostly because I was seeing this as an opportunity to change my horrible eating habits. Being Gluten Intolerant was a wake up call for my health and I needed to manage my weight...quickly. With this realization, I decided that I was not going to buy "Gluten-Free" processed foods or find substitutes for items I always ate. I stuck to whole foods and in turn, I've lost a little over 20 pounds and I've dropped two full dress sizes. Hip! Hip! Horray!!

But I digress, my recipes were tried-n-true. I had spent countless hours perfecting each one, complete with specific baking times that included one for 29 minutes for my brownies. Twenty. Nine. Minutes. Why not just thirty or... twenty-eight and a half? Because that one extra minute (in my oven) was the difference between ooey-gooey brownies or too dry brownies...once they cooled.

I baked when I was happy. Sad. Depressed. Angry...and Hungry. My favorite past-time was taken from me instantly and a new world of eating was plopped right in front of my face. I couldn't cheat because I would get so nauseous that I was dreaming of ways to induce vomiting. So, I just didn't bake.

Until today.

When I saw the box mix, I started to crave my cookies again. I had to buy it and, honestly, I figured that if Betty Crocker was endorsing a Gluten-Free Mix, then it would most likely be pretty tasty...at least something I could work with as a base so I wouldn't have to have a dozen different flours in my pantry.

I followed the directions on the back of the box to a "T", very excited to finally have a gooey chocolate chip cookie. The dough had a "wet sand" texture and when I tasted it, felt sandy in my mouth. My heart sank for a moment. I had heard about gluten free baking and some of the issues with it, read blogs of famous gluten-free baking bloggers who have perfected the right combo of flours in order to prevent gritty dough, and I've even contemplated purchasing a well-known baking mix online...just so I could start baking again.

The cookies looked really good when I pulled them out of the oven. There were twelve soon-to-be-gobbled-up cookies with light tops and golden brown edges. I waited for just a couple minutes and then scooped them off the sheet and onto a plate. They were a bit crumbly, but I wasn't going to let that deter me. Once they cooled enough to handle, I ate one. I chewed it, swallowed it and then tried very hard not to cry. I didn't want to be too harsh a critic.....I mean, I hadn't had a cookie since July. I really wanted to like this cookie, so I broke a cookie in half and willed myself to like it. It felt like I had just eaten sand, or a few tablespoons of brown sugar all at once. I grabbed a napkin and discreetly spit it out. Then I proceeded to turn off my oven and dump the rest of the cookie mix in the garbage. My kids seemed to like it, but I think they just miss their mama's cookies.

So there you go, folks. This is my review of the Betty Crocker Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix. No offense to Betty Crocker....you can't please everyone. And hey...thanks for saving me from gaining a few extra pounds.

I do want to try the cake mix though. Maybe I'll make one of my famous crisps, but use the yellow cake mix as a topping. There has to be something I like, right?!

Gluten-Free Trial & Error

2011-08-08T12:02:00.001-06:00

For years I have continued to eat my normal diet full of fast food, carbs, starches, junk food, diet soda and still lots of veggies, some fruits and lean meats. I am a busy mom of five children and I also work part time. Stress is a huge factor because I am an emotional eater. Chocolate for anxiety, carbs for irritability and starch for depression. Sometimes I even combined all sorts of foods because I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling.

A few months ago I started to feel nauseus about an hour after eating. It didn't really matter what I ate...I'd feel sick. The feelings were real. In fact, a few weeks before I made a huge self-discovery, I had decreased my intake of food because I couldn't bear feeling nauseus again. If there is one thing I hate doing...it's vomiting. Luckily, I never actually vomited, but there were times I wish I could because I felt so sick. It was that bad. Only two things helped: 1) Not eating. Bad idea. Obviously this was something I would struggle with and have....since puberty. Sigh. Not eating only lasted for so long because I started to feel a different sickness...hunger and low blood sugar. 2) Snuggling with my husband. Just laying my head on his chest has eased so many of my aches and pains, emotional/physical/psychologicial, over the years. My husband is the epitome of my childhood stuffed monkey, "Scooter".

*********Scooter was a well loved (and needed) friend, so much so that he, to the chagrin of my new husband, shared our marriage bed for several years. I'm not sure what eventually happened to him and I can't quite remember just when it was that Scooter was ~~replaced~~ retired, but as I grew to trust my husband more I was able to fall asleep beside him without some fuzzy monkey trying to co-sleep with us. Later on, we had much better co-sleepers to keep us up at night...there wasn't any room for stuffed monkeys anyways. Come to think of it, I'm quite sure Scooter is in some plastic tub full of forgotten, well-loved stuffies.**********

On July 16, 2011, I had just retrurned home from a Shakespeare Festival with my middle son, Casey. I was miserable the whole trip. Tired, nauseus and just wanting my husband to make me feel better. The food that was provided was full of all the stuff I normally ate, just more junk, and when we had to eat a meal on our own, it was fast food. As we rode home on the 4 hour bus ride, I clutched my pillow and tried to take deep breaths as I looked straight into the cold air blowing on me so I didn't throw up. That evening I made a vow to figure out what was wrong with me. It wasn't a virus, I was sure of that. I also knew the answer was obvious, clear as day, but I wasn't seeing it and I had to be the detective.

One thing was for sure...food was making me sick. Maybe I was allergic to something? I already knew I was allergic to milk as a baby and it has (in my mind) changed to a lactose "sensitivity". I am watchful of the amount of dairy I take in because the after effects of too much dairy is not fun. Also, I am sensitive to eggs. Too many eggs (more than 2-3 a week) cause some serious IBS issues that are not pleasant for me or anyone else around me. Taking inventory of what I had eaten on July 17 gave me an pretty clear idea of what might be wrong. Since I am already conscious of eggs and dairy, I began researching gluten intolerance. Breads and baked goods are a huge part of my diet, so I decided to cut out breads (buns, rolls, toast, pastries...cupcakes ::sniff::) and I didn't feel sick that day. The next day, I went shopping for fruits, veggies, gluten-free corn chips and salsa. Obviously, I couldn't live off of these items, but it was all I could do mentally for now. If things get too complicated I tend to zone out and my body didn't need me to zone out, it needed my full cooperation.

Wednesday we ate dinner at church. I called ahead to make sure there was something I could eat and they assured me I could eat it all....except the crutons on the salad. I was told the ingredients and they even checked the spices to be sure. I wish I had asked about the refried beans. I figured they were just beans...there isn't any gluten in beans, or so I thought. I was wrong and I was sick an hour later until the next morning. I loathe feeling nauseus...it's the worst!

After that Wednesday I knew it was gluten. At this point, I'm not sure how much different I'll feel if tests come back negative. I have struggled to make the GF changes and while it's been so hard to break my bad habits, cravings and such, I know how much better I am starting to feel. I will still go the medical route...just in case there is something else there, but I'm trusting my instincts on this one. I've only accidently "glutened" myself twice and purposely once (STUPID!). That one time was last night when I decided to taste two spoonfuls of the Blue Bunny Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream that is in my freezer....the carton I bought just thinking, "One little taste won't hurt. I'm feeling better these days."

INGREDIENTS: Milk, Cream, Sugar, Red Velvet Cake Pieces (Unenriched Wheat Flour, Water, Sugar, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Corn Starch, Pasteurized Eggs, Cocoa Processed with Alkali, Salt, Baking Soda, Red 40 Powder), Buttermilk, Flavor Base (Corn Syrup, Water, Sugar, Natural Flavors, Salt), Corn Syrup, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Cocoa Processed with Alkali, Mono & Diglycerides, Cellulose Gel, Cellulose Gum, Carob Bean Gum, Guar Gum, Carrageenan, Red 40, Yellow 5, Blue 1.

ALLERGEN INFORMATION: Contains eggs, milk and wheat

Uggh! Huge mistake! It was good, but not that good.

I didn't even tell my husband that I did that to myself and when I longed to lay my head on his chest, I just couldn't bring myself to because I was the one responsible for making myself sick. Sort of a self-imposed punishment because I knew better. I finally confessed to him why I was sick last night and he laughed. I'm glad he has a good sense of humor about it because I gave myself a big enough tongue lashing to last a lifetime. Whether I told him or not, I know his chest is always there for me to rest on. I love my husband and am extremely grateful for him.

For the LOVE of Competition

2011-07-11T16:56:00.000-06:00

On December 1, 2010 Chloe transferred to a new Irish dance school and began her six-month suspension from competition. Our family enjoyed the financial break of competitions, but during the fifth month, it was evident Chloe, her dad and I were suffering from extreme Feis withdrawal.

Every month we took photos of her "celebrating", but I can't seem to find them all. Oh well, at least I have this one...

On December 8, 2010, Chloe went into Primary Children's Medical Center to have a special surgery, called a partial epiphysiodesis (PE) on her feet. She suffered from terrible Juvenile Bunions for several years before we decided to get treatment. I knew sore feet was normal with competitive Irish Dancing, but the red, swollen, bent big toes were not. Well, at least they aren't healthy normal, though many vigorous dancers/athletes who spend hours upon hours each week do suffer from many feet issues, including bunions. Basically her Orthopedic doctor drilled into each foot and drilled out the growth plate of the second metatarsal. Over the past six months I have seen a pretty significant improvement in her left foot, but the right still seems pretty "bunion-y" to me. As she continues to grow over the next year we will hopefully see them improve even more.

Chloe has spent the last 6 months practicing, making friends, nursing injuries, watching her calf muscles grow rather large, learning new technique, having sleepovers, memorizing new steps, enjoying her place on the Choreography team, supporting her fellow teammates during their competitions, and SWEATING.

This girl practices so much she makes me tired. Sure wish I could harness some of her energy...or at the very least, have her burn some of my calories.

Greater things are yet to come...

2011-04-20T00:43:00.000-06:00

We're moving in 5 weeks. We've barely started packing and I'm willing myself to not freak out. I know things will work out for the best, but putting all of our stuff in storage and relying on God's mercy and provision is terrifying to me. I can totally hear half of you saying..."You're crazy, Yo!" and the other half proclaiming God's blessings on our family. Why? Cuz that's what I, at any given point in the day, am saying to myself.

The kids are on Spring Break this week and we're supposed to be packing like mad banshees, but that hasn't happened yet. Monday was a day full of errands and today was my dear husbands 40th birthday, so I couldn't force him to "work", now could I? Tomorrow will be a BUSY day and I'm skipping morning Bible Study just to prove to myself how important it is that we ~~finish~~ start packing.

************************************

Caleb started his first organized team sport today. He was so excited to go to practice he wore his jersey all day. He's such a cutie and seems to fit right in with team sports. He even suggested the team name, the Red Phoenix's, and his team unanimously agreed!

I think he's going to be a GREAT soccer player!! I can't believe we have waited so long to get him involved.

Sure, he was a good Irish dancer, but that wasn't his thing. He's definitely a
sporty kid, but he sure could get jiggy with it when he wanted to.

This is how he celebrates, as goalie for the day, when his team won in the scrimmage. Should we begin "Sportsmanship" discussions or let him enjoy the moment?

Of course we will certainly discuss it.....but not just yet.

What is March?

2011-03-14T23:49:00.000-06:00

Leprechauns...

...or, you know, TCRG's. Same thing!

St. Patrick's Day Parades and lots of green!

These three look a wee Irish and up to no good! Stay outta trouble boys....er....yeah.

Dancing in the street.

A cute guy wearing a kilt.

March is Irish Dance!

What it's all about!

2011-01-29T18:54:00.002-07:00

Sure...trophies (only a few pictured), gobs of neck-breaking medals (not pictured), "Good Luck" signs for your first North American National's (NAN's), and other memorabilia of your childhood are a super-fun part of being a competitive Irish Dancer, but that's not what it's all about....

Spending hours upon hours dancing in the studio, or at home, certainly needs to be balanced with friendships. And, at 11 years old, having a ~~super clean~~ messy room and a friend to ~~play with~~ hang out with is what truly matters. These are the memories that will last.

The memories you make with old dance friends, new dance friends and friends from afar are precious and it warms my heart to see my daughter living these experiences.

The lights will dim or shine for another well deserving dancer, the medals will tarnish, the trophies will collect (lots of!) dust and the sashes will fray. That's just how it works...

The "Remember when we were little and slathered make-up all over each other, ate tons of pizza and drank so much root beer we were sick?" moments will bring back those girly giggles once again. That's when you'll remember how friendships make you feel...

...Beautiful!

Defying Gravity

2011-01-14T10:24:00.001-07:00

Having a child with Learning Disabilities is...hard. It just is. The world is pulling him down while he is trying to reach for Broadway stars! His name in lights on Broadway or just being in a local production, dancing, singing and, oh boy...acting! This kid amazes me. He is so strong, so determined and fights through his learning disabilities the best way he can.

Casey is our amazingly talented, right-brained learner. It's not that this is the best way for him to learn, it's the only way for him to learn. Casey was diagnosed as having a Left-Brain Cognitive Disorder. His testing showed scores that were on the level of someone who had a Traumatic Brain Injury, or TBI. Because he didn't suffer from an accident, they could not diagnose him with TBI, so instead they gave him the LBCD diagnosis. It was hard when he was diagnosed because I didn't know how he would manage. My first thoughts were years away from that day....What would his life be like? Could he get a job in the real world? Would he ever be able to support a family? Then I began to wonder how kids would treat him at school? Would his innocence be destroyed by bullies? Would he ever feel like he could succeed or would he always feel behind, dumb, lazy?

For years the schools would pass him off. They dismissed my worries and brushed off my requests to have him tested. I remember going to every teacher from 1st grade to 5th grade and each one would dismiss me. It wasn't until we moved to a new district and I demanded that he be tested that we found out he would require an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). Luckily, a couple months before he was tested at the school, I had notified our family doctor of my worries and he referred me to a NeuroPsychologist to have him tested. We received a very detailed diagnosis and this helped us when we finally had our first IEP meeting with the school at the end of his 6th grade year. Yes, the end. How convenient for them. Thus, the IEP was not solidified until his 7th grade year. Very frustrating.

Casey is currently a Freshman in High School. I put in him a local Jr. High in 7th grade and pulled him out to part time home school him because they could not meet his needs. It truly was better for him to be at home, despite my lack of homeschooling ability, however, we made the decision to put him into a local charter school that was more hands on for his 8th grade year. He did okay in the school even though the Special Ed department was wishy-washy and almost non-existant at times. Because it was an expeditionary learning school, it suited his right-brained needs more often than the local Jr. High did. Last year we had to make a decision, and it was hard. Do we keep our fourteen year old boy close to home, but in a school that would not meet his needs and one that would shove him out into the High School world (completely unprepared) at 10th grade, or do we let him open his dramatic wings and commute to a performing arts school in our state?

Casey is a natural performer and, after much debate, we felt enrolling him into a local Performing Arts High School would be best for him. My mother is amazing and takes Casey to school in the mornings and then he rides the bus and Trax system home each day. He is learning lots of wonderful skills and spreading his wings with this opportunity, yet it isn't without issues. The performing arts school is a charter school on the East side of the valley (we live on the West) and it is located right inside a public High School that offers 9-12 (most of our schools here only offer 10-12). So, he's duel enrolled in both schools. He gets his academics from the public school and his electives (performing arts) in his Charter school. It's been difficult, to put it mildly, to deal with both schools regarding Casey's IEP, but the counselor has been great and very helpful. This is where he is today and with a few minor changes to this next term, we feel he will succeed and things will get better....for this year. One never knows what will change in the next few months, what issues he will have and/or what issues his new teachers will have. I'm just crossing my fingers.

Casey is not dyslexic, but has significant trouble reading and comprehension. He has recently increased his reading fluency from 3-4 grade to a 6th grade level, however his comprehension of what he reads has dropped from a 4th grade level to a low 3rd grade level. He can sound out more words and read faster, but that's it.

Casey spells phonetically. He writes at a 2nd grade level and has a rudimentary pencil grasp which tires out his hand very quickly. It's hard to read what he has written most times, but this kid is amazingly creative and if given an opportunity to write what he wants, in his format, in his way, he'll shine!

Casey does not suffer from expressive communication delays, though he does lack confidence in his ability to communicate effectively and that has become very noticeable this year. Casey has an extremely difficult time with receptive communication. He does not understand/comprehend at times. You can see his brain trying to process what you've said into an easier format that he can understand and for home use that is okay, but he gets so lost and so behind in classes where he is supposed to follow instructions or long lists. It's best to use simple speech and instructions.

His favorite class is Theatre Foundations I. His teacher loves him, has high hopes for him and, according to her, Casey is "socially accepted and the class enjoys having him". Due to his growing academic needs, Casey, just yesterday, had to drop another performing arts class (thankfully not the one above) to add in a class that will give him time each day to get work done. He only had two classes! I feel horrible about this and not even knowing "it's for the best." helps. Okay, it does a little when I think about it rationally, but this kid should be having at least 3 performing arts classes, not just 1. It's just hard, hard, HARD! Hard to see him lose more opportunities to do what he loves because he has to be in a special reading class and Language Art's class or because he needs a study skills class and because he needs to have Computer Tech and Health and blah,blah,blah.

I'm just a frustrated mama, guys. I'll process it and be okay, eventually. All I have to do is look at my fourteen year old son and see his smile. Despite his struggles and all of our worries...this young man is definitely Defying Gravity!!

Absentmindedness

2011-01-05T14:17:00.003-07:00

I'm not even going to start my first post back by giving some lame excuse as to why I haven't blogged, or bore you with a two-hour read on what's been going on in my life the past year. Instead, we'll just start fresh and realize that just as there are gaps in my ever-fading memory...there will be gaps in my blog from time to time.

I definitely consider myself "semi-organized", and as you've noticed...that's the name of my blog. However, lately I have been feeling rather unorganized and it's starting to freak me out. I walk around the house forgetting what I was doing before, where I was going, losing items that are right under my nose, and wondering where all the hours in the day went. I'm constantly fretting over what needs to be done and/or avoiding what needs to be done. Like right now. My brain wants to think, sort out, write. My body does not want to do laundry, straighten up, grocery shop, or clean toilets.

Guess what! The plow just came down our street. I bet the snowmobilers will be pretty irked when they find out. They really shouldn't be snowmobiling on the street anyway. If I had a radar gun I'm sure I could clock them at over 40 mph, but I don't, so I don't have any proof. Regardless, our street is a typical 25 mph, not 40+. Next time they snowmobile down my street I'll throw my husbands Highland Games stone at one of them. For fun. I'm sure I'll miss because I can't throw worth a darn, but it will be fun trying to knock them off. Sort of like Adult Chucky Cheese games. Or something.

Where were we? Oh yes, UNorganized. Me, that is. I'm very unorganized.

By January 1, 2008, I had about 237.3 goals detailed out, on paper, that I wanted to accomplish by 2009. I made a huge, rather colorful, table where I was supposed to accomplish these small goals and then check them off. The list lasted a few months and I did get quite a few things accomplished, but it quickly fell to the wayside....as does everything I think is going to revolutionize my life. I thought I was going to start sewing cloth diapers for a few friends, but quickly tired of that notion. I have wanted to begin blogging again for over a year now and every time I sit down to write something I draw a blank. Anything I write usually gets deleted and I feel so frustrated at the time I've wasted. My laundry is in heaps, my bathrooms stink and are grungy, my closets are so out of control it stresses me out just to go in there. I had grand plans to reclaim my house over the holiday break, yet nothing was accomplished. I didn't even get all the Christmas decorations down until yesterday. It was January fourth! That is not me people! Although, to be completely honest, it was my husband who actually put the Christmas decor away. If not, the boxes would still be piled on top of each other and my kitchen table would be filled with ornaments and snowmen until this brain fog lifted. I am usually more on top of things, so why do I feel so out-of-sorts? Thankfully, my sweet husband has stepped up to the plate and taken care of the things I'm forgetting. I had jeans to wear because of him and I haven't had to wear his undies for at least a month. Without him, I am sure I would have completely lost my mind by now.

I've missed writing down my thoughts. Maybe this is what I need to refocus, since I process better when things are written down. Now, if I could just remember to blog.

Manna from Sweden!

2010-08-18T09:10:00.000-06:00

A couple weeks ago, I noticed one of my recent clients was once again listed on my work schedule. She was having issues with her CapTel 800i telephone and needed my assistance, but her appointment wasn't for another week. Since I was delivering in her area, I called to see if I could come sooner. She was thrilled...of course.

When I arrived at her home, I saw beautiful rounds of homemade bread cooling on her countertop. More rounds were baking in the oven and the house smelled scrumptious. After I successfully fixed her new phone and I knew I was, once again, her best friend, I thought I should inquire about her recipe. I'm sneaky like that.

She graciously offered me a warm round bread loaf and went downstairs to copy the recipe that had been passed down from generation to generation. In fact, when the current recipe card was written in English, her own mother (years ago), scribbled the measurements back into Swedish so she could read the recipe....I have that scribble! As a bonus, I also received another recipe that was written completely in Swedish on the card, "Äpple kaka" or Apple Cake. She went over the Apple Cake recipe so I understood that "socker" was sugar and "bakpulver" is baking powder. She completely lost me when she started talking about dl measurements and I figured I would never be able to make the cake until I opened my recent IKEA catalogue and saw this....

$4.99 and it has DL markings on the side! Yes, it's providence.

The bread round was delicious! So amazingly delicious! It almost tasted like a scone, but it wasn't fried. My client told me that in Sweden they eat open faced sandwiches. They cut the round in half and then slice the half down the middle to make a "sandwich". I thought about how yummy and appetizing the rounds looked and how having a beautiful bakery type bun might just make our plain old turkey sandwich a bit more appetizing.

The next morning, I decided to try my hand at this new way of making bread. I was stuck in the humdrum of making loaves of bread and most of it would go to waste. The bread was never what my kids or I wanted to eat. It's not that it wasn't good, it just wasn't what we were accustomed to...you know, Sara Lee or Home Pride. On the first try, several rounds came out

beautiful and few came out a little flat. I made 17 rounds of different sizes from one batch. My KitchenAid Professional 5 mixer was protesting the whole time, but I stroked and kissed it and she grumbled her way through the kneading process. Whew!! The twins sprinkled grated cheese on top of the flat ones and made open-face cheese sandwiches, which I praised them for....as long as they clean up their mess. I'm always saying that around here. For dinner the next night, I spread garlic butter on a few rounds and baked them in the oven for several minutes. They were marvelous! I was thrilled when we were down to the last two loaves, so I decided to make another batch....hoping this wasn't a fluke and I might be able to use this recipe as our choice of bread. Never again buying sliced bread from the grocery store would be a dream come true!

My second attempt was even better, except that my KitchenAid was not at all happy that I wasn't making brownies or banana bread. I think she has a sweet tooth. I discovered my KitchenAid is only good for soft mixes (cake, brownie, sweet breads and pudding), which is a total disappointment, by the way. I think I should save my pennies or ask Santa for one of these....

Yes, I know it's currently $359, but I hear it's the BEST bread mixer around. In fact, my Swedish client has one that is 30 years old. Of course it's not this exact model, but it does everything. Oh Santa, I BELIEVE!

Oh yeah, the second try. All my rounds came out beautiful and I even made little ones, for personal sized sandwiches. I figured I'd try making small ones to fit into the kids Bento boxes since I'll be making school lunches soon. The kids grabbed warm rounds and gobbled them up. Chloe made a PB&J sandwich on one yesterday and exclaimed, "That was the BEST peanut butter sandwich ever!" With some of the dough I added dried basil, oregano, and garlic to make herb breadsticks for our pasta dinner that night.

For our large family, I'll be baking this bread a lot and you know what? I'm completely happy about that!

Back To School shopping...EEK!

2010-08-17T18:25:00.000-06:00

Today I registered my 14 year old son, Casey, for High School. If that isn't traumatizing enough, I about had a coronary when they told me what I needed to pay in order for Casey to receive his schedule. Having made the decision early last year that Casey would travel daily to a public charter school that specializes in performing arts, we knew there could be extra costs associated with that. We are also well aware that High School costs are staggering. Having two almost 17 year olds...we're used to the $100+ each fees.

Registration Fees: I forked over the main High School fee of $101 and asked for the Performing Arts charter school to defer the remaining $85 dollars (not including the $35 year book), and then I promptly cried (inside).

You see, the twins register on Friday and there we will have to slink down in our chairs and ask to speak to the Vice Principal to see if we can defer their fees throughout the next few months. After that, the boys will be given their schedules (but not their school ID's until it's paid in full) and we'll need to walk down the hall to have their pictures taken. We'll choose the cheapest package, but it will still cost us about fifty dollars total.

I have a suggestion for schools though...can we not have picture day the same day we are supposed to pay registration fees? PLEASE!?

Thank goodness the other two are in Elementary school. The costs there are far less, even when you count in the extra tissues, clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, EXPO markers and other things the teachers ask for. I'm willing to buy these extra items, even if I do spread it throughout the year to help make things a bit more bearable.

For those of you keeping tally, it seems that we'll spend over $450 dollars just to register the three High School boys. Five kids photographs will cost us (cheapest package) about $130 and come 2nd Semester, we'll have more fees, I'm sure. Oh, and we can't forget the Yearbooks....those are the most important, right? Hehe.

Supplies: I spent $63 at Target on the basic school supplies (I still need about $20 more, but waiting to make sure they really need it first). Thankfully, my mom bought the majority of the kids school clothing. What a blessing!!! We really don't go all out, just some basics. Jeans without holes, new shoes, socks and a couple new shirts. Chloe got the most outfits, but I made sure everything can be worn in the winter, too. I'm not buying new shorts for school....they can wear the ones they wore during the summer. When it starts to get cool we expand the school wardrobe with a few long sleeve shirts to wear under the t-shirts they already have and I tend to bargain shop for $2.00 t-shirts that go on clearance in the Fall.

Oh, and do you like how I conveniently avoided the fact that I have been blogMIA for, like, ever?

All ready for surgery!

2010-01-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

*Update* We arrived home from the hospital around 6:30 this evening. Mom ate some chicken noodle soup and saltine crackers. We had to keep reminding her that she couldn't lift anything and that she needed to rest. Eventually, I threatened to place her in time-out if she continued, so she decided to put on her jammies and relax in bed. Sheesh, I do this every night at my own home! Nana drove home after dinner and she'll be back to replace me tomorrow afternoon. Somebody has to keep an eye on my busy mother! Anyway, it wasn't long before she fell asleep after taking some pain medication. Thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts...please keep them coming. Mom goes in to have her CI activated on February 16th. We pray that it works well for her!!

-----------------------------------------------------

We are at the hospital waiting for my mom to be taken back for her second Cochlear Implant surgery. Her first was in 1999, so after more than 10 years she should be pretty high tech now. I wonder if she'll be able to receive signals from outer space? Cool! She just mentioned to me that her new CI will be bluetooth capable. See..I told you she would be techy.

The surgery should be pretty soon and we're all anxious.

My awesome mom is excited, hungry and (at the moment) reading a book to pass the time. Please keep her in your prayers today and for the next month or so as the CI will not be activated until February 16, 2010.

Her vitals were taken and we're ready to go.

They had to mark which ear needed the cochlear implant and also make sure they didn't shave the wrong side of her head.

Nana has a cold, but is willing to wear this mask so she doesn't miss being there for her daughter. Us mothers, we sacrifice so much! ;) I'm glad Nana is here. We can keep each other company while mom is in surgery.

I will update on Twitter as the day progresses. You can follow me on Twitter..I'm @SemiOrgMom. Just click on the link above and select "Follow". My Facebook will be updated through Twitter as well.

Change is EXCITING!!

2010-01-18T15:02:00.001-07:00

Today, for the very first time, I'm sporting elastics on my braces and I couldn't be happier.

As you can see...I'm also celebrating Valentine's Day. Do you know what color(s) I be wearing on February 15th when I get them changed again?

By the way, don't mind the hair...I really need to get it cut! My hair stylist is off having a baby. Can you believe her? Here I am...in desperate need of a haircut and she thinks it's time to contract (we hope!!). Just kidding! I love ya Melissa!! Have a great labor & delivery. As soon as I get my machines back I will be sewing up some awesome diapers/covers for you. I can't wait!!

Today, my Orthodontist told me that I am moving along very quickly. He's very pleased with the results! This excites me because I was told it would be at least a year before I started wearing elastics as they had to wait for my teeth to move more into place. My teeth were just begging to be moved into place, it seems. My lower teeth have moved so quickly and I am currently on the largest wire (on the top set) that is offered.

Sometimes I look back at my teenage years and wonder why I didn't do braces sooner. However, all I have to do is remember it was just a few months ago that I was suffering from the pain of a fractured (and abcessed) front tooth. For 15 years I suffered, unwilling to do anything about it because I lacked confidence in myself.

My how things have changed. Thank goodness!!

I need your opinion!

2010-01-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

Do you think this is subtle enough?

Jumping Bean Brain

2010-01-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

Things just haven't been right with me lately. It's very frustrating because I am unable to focus on anything. I sit at the computer to blog and I can't. Seriously, I can't. Nothing is there, just a bunch of garbled thoughts bouncing around my head like jumping beans. I feel very out-of-sorts.

What is up with that?

Speaking of....what's up with this photo? It does not belong, nor was it a photo I meant to take, but I like my argyle socks and my boots, so there.

Oh, and speaking of socks.....

My dryer is broken...again. I had a screaming fit with the Sears lady on the phone. She had the nerve to tell me that I would have to pay for the parts to repair my dryer because our warranty was up. My midwestern attitude came out (I save that for special occasions) and I was ferocious. Oh, and because I care about ya'll so much, I am willing to share some of the phone call. You're welcome!

"Hi. We just had a Sear's repair man come out this morning and he left, but now the dryer is squeaking and grumbling again. This is the fourth time we've had a repair man come out since September of this year."

"I'm sorry mam, let's see if we can get him back out there for you. You said he was there this morning?"

"That's correct. We were his first appointment at 8 A.M. He tinkered with it and said that if what he did didn't work that we were to tell the next repairman to order a pulley and shaft because he said that is probably what's wrong with it. I would like him to order those parts now, since he probably should have done that in the first place."

"Okay. Thank you. I am going to put you on hold and try to contact the driver."

(on hold.......still holding......still holding.)

"Okay. I was able to get ahold of the driver and he states that he is on his last repair, but that it will take 2-3 hours and will not be able to make it back out to your house today."

"Okay...um, did you ask him to order those parts?"

"He cannot order them. We will have to make a new repair appointment and whoever comes out will be able to order them. Let's see when the next appointment is....."

(The conversation is still calm at this point.)

"Wait. Why can't he order them? He was just here. Why should I have to wait for another appointment to have the parts ordered, and then have to wait for the parts to come in and another appointment for them to be installed?"

"I'm sorry mam, that's just our policy. You can order the parts yourself and then make an appointment for them to be installed..."

(This is where my midwestern Kansas City, Missouri, Don't eeeeven mess with me attitude came in. If you want an idea of what I sounded like (or something sorta like that)....click HERE.)

"What do you mean that I can order the parts? I am not paying for the parts."

"Your warranty is expired, so you will be responsible for the part costs."

"Oh NO I will not be responsible for the cost of parts that should have been ordered back in September when I still had the warranty. Don't tell me I have to pay for something when I already paid a ton of money on the extended warranty and your repair men ripped me off for a years worth of services by NOT doing their jobs to begin with. This is the fourth time we've had service men out here to repair the same problem and I will NOT pay for it. In fact, Sears owes me money for wasting a year of the extended warranty................"

I basically went on for a bit longer to make sure I got my point across. This happened on the 24th of December. Christmas Eve. What a lovely way to start out the holiday.

Apparently my persistance was noted and we received a phone call from the repair man saying he had ordered the parts. What he didn't tell us was that they would be shipped to our home and that we had an appointment for Thursday January 7th from 8-12. Within the past week we've received two packages from parts dealers and I had to reschedule the appointment for Friday afternoon.

I'm glad it's being taken care of, but I've lost all respect and trust in Sear's repair. I do not think they will charge me (and I wouldn't pay for it anyway) for the service call since it's well within the 90 days warranty on same service calls. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to extend the warranty on my washer and dryer. If the problem happens again, or this isn't the problem and they are just grasping at straws (like before), then we will have a $1200 dryer that doesn't work. I'm ticked, frustrated, worried and stressed about it all.

On top of all that, I have at least thirteen loads of laundry waiting to be washed and dryed. It is too cold to hang dry them as it brings down the temperature in the house/basement and makes the kids bedrooms too cold.

I'm also stressed about a couple things that I am not willing to discuss openly on my blog right now. Mainly because I have not formulated my own thoughts on the issues, weighed the pro's and con's, or discussed them with my husband...yet. I'm currently hormonal and feeling depressed, so it's not even an appropriate time to try and discuss them rationally.

I have so many blog posts I want to write. Maybe listing them here will help keep my thoughts grounded, because I'm not joking when I say they're rattling about in my head, like jumping beans. All my thoughts are. My awesome husband says I'm scatterbrained. He's absolutely right.

So, here goes. Here is a list of blog topics I've wanted to write in the past 30 days and have not.

* 2010 goals list

* Cooking/baking

* Chores

* Parenting teens

* My mom's upcoming surgery (a few posts for that!)

* Caleb's Community Career Day

* Casey's Science Fair Project

* Crawford All-Nighter

* Snowboarding

* North American Championships (Florida)

* Organizing

* Give-Away (An awesome one at that!!)

* My thoughts on marriage

Maybe that will help.

Do you ever have long periods of time (like days/weeks) where you feel completely scatterbrained? Leave a comment and tell me what helped bring you out of the funk. Maybe it will inspire me to do the same.

Holly Jolly Christmas

2009-12-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

This year we were surprised that Santa showed up at our house a few days before Christmas. Not only did the jolly man show up, but he brought us a huge Christmas dinner, a present for each of us and a bit of cash that we quickly put into our Culligan water jug. The kids were excited, to say the least. I guess a few friends (ahem!) thought our family could use a little help this year and we appreciate Santa & all our friends tremendously! We are truly blessed.

Next year, we will be helping another family in need. Pay It Forward. Right?

And, as some of you may be wondering...

We did follow through with our plan of not spending money on Christmas presents. It was hard. Very hard. However, I am happy that we didn't cave. We felt a tinge of guilt the past couple days and when Rob or I wanted to buy something, we helped each other refocus. It was hard not having any presents for the children and family, but we pulled through. Most importantly, we did not spend our "bill money" on last minute Christmas gifts and we survived the day.

My mom, Nana & Rob's family came over to our house for a Christmas brunch. The food was amazing and I enjoyed having everyone here. After the family left, we met my mom at the movie theatre (our Christmas Tradition) to see a movie. I was surprised at how full each showing was (why don't I remember how full it usually is?) and ended up stuck with Alvin and the Chipmunks. Let's just say that I'm hoping Rob will take me to see a different movie one of these nights...soon. (Honey, are you listening?)

This next week will be full of family time, so I am taking a break from blogging until January 1, 2010. I'm hoping to have a wonderful give-away and a list of 2010 goals to tell you about, too.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Foggy Frost

2009-12-20T20:03:00.001-07:00

What a glorious day! Glorious because we all were able to sleep in. No work, no school, the holidays are almost here. Laying in my husbands warm arms as we slowly awoke was magical. For months it seems as if we've been speeding away from each other. We needed a moment to relax, to enjoy one another.

When I finally willed myself to slip out from under our down comforter, I peeked through the blinds to see a foggy morning. There's something about fog that is so mysterious and I love it.

Soon the kids were buzzing around getting ready for church, but before we left, my 13 year old came running in the house begging to use my camera. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to witness something important, I grabbed it and headed outside to see what all the fuss was about.

Everything was covered in.......

Frozen...

Framing...

Fractal...

Frost!

It will be okay.

2009-12-18T11:57:00.001-07:00

St. Patrick's Day 2002 (Do you see Caleb in the back?)

This photo made me laugh today, so I figured I would show it to you all. It's a reminder that "It will be okay." Sometimes that is all I want to hear. It's comforting even when you want it to be okay now, not later.

So, that's what I am going to keep telling myself. Over and over. And over. Until I believe it. This may take awhile. *sigh*

I've been busy working, cleaning, and decorating for Christmas. Rob and I have been arguing alot and the kids are actually doing okay. Why are the holidays so stressful on parents?

I'm trying so very hard to keep my mind off of our finances, or lack thereof. I'm trying to stick to the plan we (as a family) decided on. Not that it would be any different without the plan, but it's nice to know that we have a future goal to help us forget about this Christmas (as in gifts). Then reality strikes, as it always does, (darn reality) and I realize that after paying for 2-3 implants (in March/April), braces payments, and trying to get things back on track (or better!) with our finances that we may not even reach that goal. We may not get to Florida.

How devestating would that be to our children? To us? I can't even think about it right now. It makes me cry. I've been crying alot lately.

Through many tears I am constantly having to revisit a recent post to remind myself it's okay that Christmas will be different this year. Part of me doesn't even want to decorate. I feel like only decorating the bare minimum and then I feel like a horrible mom and decide to go the opposite extreme. Can you guess how many times I've gone into Michael's without buying anything or driven by my favorite stores thinking that I could justify my decoration expense because well, "We aren't celebrating Christmas with gifts this year, so I should make my house all beautiful and such."

My often dwelling thought is that adding more decorations will only help improve the festiveness and joy around us. Uh, more like, it will help find the festiveness and joy.

I've had several people want to help us with Christmas, but really...there are people much worse off than we are. Our kids do not go without throughout the year and just because there isn't something under the Christmas tree, it isn't going to kill them. If anything, it will help build character. Right?

Am I completely fooling myself?

I need strength.

You will never know how much your comments mean to me. Your comments on my blog (which I love!), Facebook, and Twittter are helpful and inspiring. They help me to not feel like a scrooge.

The younger three kids are off school after today and my older boys are out the middle of next week. Rob is taking a couple weeks vacation from his main job (he has lots of time, but will still work his 2nd job.) and we are going to spend days having fun. I am also taking a couple days off from my part-time schedule to be at home with the kids and Rob, so it will be nice doing things as a family.

Maybe my amazing husband and I can pawn off the kids and spend a day just being together here, at home. That would be nice! We really need some time away (or here...alone) to just focus on each other and our marriage.

We'll see.

Winter's Artwork

2009-12-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, as I was reading through a fellow bloggers archive, I came across this one.

Fractals? What are fractals?

Renee, of A Baker's Dozen, has a great definition, so I'll just share hers as to not confuse ya'll.

"First, I explained what a fractal was: a geometric shape that repeats itself, often in more and more complicated patterns. A fractal has the same basic shape at a large scale, as a small (and often microscopic) scale." - A Baker's Dozen

She taught me a new word and a little more about fractals. They are very interesting and when in the form of ice, beautiful! I bet Renee doesn't know that she actually homeschools me, too. I'm kinda sneaky like that.

She homeschools me so much that last winter I was able to share my newfound knowledge with my teenage son, Braden. He was to write a short report on ice or snow or something like that. I really don't remember what the report was about, but I do remember as soon as he mentioned it my eyes became big and I ran to the computer to show him Renee's fractals. In case you were wondering, Braden received an A on that report.

And the learning continues.....

Last week, after a huge snowstorm and sub-zero temperatures, we opened our front door to this beautiful sight (and the photos above).

I immediately called my children to the front door, scooped up my camera and shot these photographs before the heat from the house began melting natures artwork. Braden remembered exactly what they were. As I was stuttering to come up with the name, "Fra...Froc....?" Braden piped up, "They're called fractals, mom."

Little Shop of Horrors

2009-12-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

My sad, unresponsive and defiant house plant.

I don't think I have a horrible green thumb, but my plants have never thrived. I can bring them to the brink of death and then back to life, which is sort of psychopathic, if you ask me.

Sometimes I teeter with the thought of just chucking all of my green living things in the trash, but I can't bring myself to do it. It's against my religion. I think. They are alive, even if momentarily.

A little over eight years ago, I embarked on a new adventure. I've blogged about it here . Awhile back, I was given an opportunity to offer a give-away where a lucky reader won a gift certificate so she could get some of her own. She was thrilled. Speaking of that winner, I just ran across her blog awhile back and found out that she has suffered a great tragedy in the last year or so. Please head over to her blog and offer her some sweet hugs.

So, back to my dying-a-slow-death plants. Ahem.

For the past several months I've been thinking about why my plants hate me. Do I give them too much water? Not enough? Should I talk to them ~~more~~? Am I supposed to feed them some sort of plant food in addition to water? Can't I just open up the blinds so they can eat the sun? Are plants really that complicated?

I've repotted this particular plant (above photo) with new potting soil and moved it around the house so many times trying to find the perfect spot. It's a rather difficult plant to please. In fact, one day, when I had it sitting by the open front door, I swear it tried to reach up and open the door so it could run away. It hates me with as much passion as a plant can have.

So, two months ago I decided to try a new feeding method. I've heard that plants like nitrogen. Like, alot. Then it dawned on me that there is uber amounts of nitrogen in blood and where could I get blood on a regular basis?

This isn't rocket science, people. Without cutting myself and dripping blood onto the leaves of my dying plant, where can I (a woman) get the red stuff?

My menstrual pads, that's where. You aren't shocked, are you?

For those of you still reading, I'll have you know that it's not gross at all. I've lived with my own blood since I was eleven. You would assume I would be used to be it now. I am. I'd also assume that other women should be used to it by now, too. However, I will not jump on my soap box and preach the greatness of thy wonderful cloth menstural pads. No I will not. If you want to stick to paper then so be it. Personally, I prefer to have soft cotton against my girly bits. Cotton velour, sherpa and silky soft micro-fleece beat out sticky, smelly, chemical filled paper at least 100, 000, 000 to 1. Or something like that.

I have never tried the soaking method for my cloth menstrual pads because I wasn't really into saving the water or, you know, dealing with it more than I needed to. Normally, I would just rinse them out as I used them and then throw them in the wash.

This time, instead of doing the whole rinse & wash thing, I grabbed a cute watering can (because cute matters!) and began stuffing my pads into the opening. Then I filled it just enough to cover the pads. The next morning, I poured the murky water onto the unsuspecting plant and then refilled the watering can with fresh agua.

I almost felt a little naughty for doing such a thing. I've heard about it before, but actually trying it wasn't on my "To Do" list. Over the next few days, I watched as my once sad plant, perked up. I figured it was just because I watered it. Plants like water, you know. A week or so later, I noticed my other plants wilting again. Typical. However, I noticed something magical, almost unreal. It would seem that while the naughty plants needed to be refreshed my blood-fed plant was thriving. Boldly standing high, it's leaves deep green and absolutely no dead, dried or yellowing limbs.

Seymour sitting next to my husbands plant (the naughty one). They were once the same size.

I decided to water it a little anyway and within a day my plant looked even more healthy.

Healthier than ever!

Whoa! Did I make that happen? Serious? Not only can I feed my babies "liquid gold" and watch them chunk up before my eyes, but I can also nourish a plant? Amazing!

"Hmm..", I said aloud. Could this be because I fed it my soak water? Should I name this plant Seymour? Was I imagining this bold change or was it for real?

That's when I decided to do a little science project. You know, because I'm all about science projects and ~~doing them for my kids~~ helping my kids with theirs.

Sitting in the same bay window as "Seymour" is another plant, a smaller one, that was given to my husband when his father died in 2005. This plant has struggled greatly, which is why it's still so small, and I've done more than enough to try and keep it alive. I have seriously wanted to throw it out numerous times because it makes me feel like an utter failure. However, knowing my own connection to "Seymour" aka "My dad's plant", I can not bring myself to throw it away.

"I must try and save it, no matter the sacrifice. I will find a way."

::said in thick Scottish accent for effect::

Over the past two menstrual cycle's I have fed each of my plants using only the water from my soaking pot. I have noticed that Seymour really loves my stuff. The other plants are still fighting my love, but it looks as though they are starting to give in and accept their place in my home. I do not have to water as often (though that is most likely due to the weather), but they are more green and seem to be more perky. They just seem more healthy.

My conclusion is that feeding blood meal (or menstrual blood) to house plants really does work. I don't think you get the same result for each plant, but the results are better than just plain H2O. You can purchase blood meal in a bag and I think it's about $6-8 per bag. Most people would use it on their gardens (flower or food) and I've heard that fruit trees like them, too. I'm not much of a gardener (tried and failed several times), so do your research before using blood meal on trees and veggie gardens. Or, you know, save the money and just use what God gave you. Talk about living frugally. Ha!

However, the one thing I got out of this whole experiment is that my body is awesome! God is amazing and He created wonderous people. What a smart God to make it so that we can nourish our own children (for years!!!) and that, as women, we have the ability to feed plants and help them grow healthy and strong.

Are you amazed? You should be!

Christmas will be different this year.

2009-12-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple years our family has scaled back on Christmas giving. This year we're scaling back even more and you know what? It's okay. Really, it is.

This was my post from last year.

Last year we told the kids "There will not be much under the Christmas tree." and there wasn't. Aside from the 20" iMac that was given to our family for Christmas (though we opened it right after Thanksgiving!) there wasn't much under the tree. What money we had went to bills and food. In hindsight we should have waited until Christmas to break out the computer, but we were so excited. We were able to talk our family members into helping with the computer instead of buying other gifts, so (for the kids) it was a bit difficult for them to watch everyone else open gifts while they watched. We had to constantly remind them that they got the computer. If it weren't for my mom, the kids wouldn't have had that Wii under our home Christmas tree. That's about all they received "from us" (which is more than we ever imagined), except for a new pair of pajamas and a few small items. The Wii was a hit, of course, so Christmas Day was a success in that sense. Still, I couldn't help but feel guilt as I scanned my children's faces. Sometimes I wonder if Caleb (in the picture below) is feeling sad because he didn't get what he wanted. "Lots of Star War's Legos!"

Christmas will be different this year.

This year, I am on a mission to make Christmas the best one yet! I really feel that we can do without Christmas presents this year. We don't need presents in order to have a great time. I don't need to stress out because there is nothing to wrap. I don't need to feel like a failure because my kids don't have the latest gadgets. Nor do I have to feel guilty that they don't have anything under the tree.

For years we would pile gifts atop gifts under the tree. We were trapped in the commercialism and social views of modern day Christmas. Instead of my husband and I working hard to develop Christmas Traditions that would form lasting memories, we worried about who was getting what and did we have enough money to pay for it all. Juggling checks and hoping gifts of money from family would come in at the right time so we could buy what we knew the children wanted. Then, when we thought we were done shopping, we would remember that we still needed to buy for families and friends. The constant trips to various stores to "find the right gift" was overwhelming and tiring. Over the past several years, we've dropped the family and friends (out of necessity) and only focused on our children and mothers. And still, this year, we're narrowing it down even more.

Each and every year I dreaded the holidays. There was always a feeling of not being good enough. The guilt and shame ruined our Joy. Some years not one ounce of Joy would be felt and on those years where I tried really hard, I failed that much more. My husband and I fought every year because of all the stress. This is not how Christmas is supposed to be. It's just not good! I don't want this to be our children's memories of the Christmas holiday. I don't want them to remember that during their Christmas break from school, mom was out shopping every day, tired, angry, bitter and frustrated.

Instead, I want the sweet smell of cookies baking in the oven to greet them as they walk in from playing in the snow. I want their friends to come in and sit and laugh at our kitchen table while warming up with a cup of hot cocoa. I want to drive around the city looking at the lights and counting all the ones on your side of the car (no cheating!!) to see who wins, like my brother and I used to do every winter. By the way, nobody wins anything, it's just all in fun.

This year I say, NO MORE!

Christmas will be different this year.

This year it will be hard work for Rob and I to keep on this path. We will need to remind each other it's going to be okay. When we're feeling down or the kids say something and we start to feel the teensiest bit of guilt, we'll have to just keep moving forward. Christmas isn't about gifts whether you can afford them or not. Children will not usually remember what was under the tree, they'll remember the yearly traditions that were so much fun.

In order to help our children with the new Christmas idea, we decided to put all our extra money into a family vacation. If you've read this post, you know that we have a very strong desire to go to Orlando, Florida in July 2010. We've already had our family meeting and, at first, Casey and Caleb weren't on board. At all. They wanted gifts that we couldn't afford and gifts that would only be fun for the first day or two. If we were lucky, a week. Then I had a bright idea. I urged them to check out DisneyWorld and all the other things we could possibly see while in Florida on the web. They researched a few places and then came to us with an emphatic "Yes!". We were all on board and everyone is excited. So excited that we currently have some $31 dollars in the jug. *We have a long way to go, but we really do hope to get there!

It's a good thing, too, because this Christmas it doesn't mean that we'll be able to stick what money we would have normally spent on Christmas gifts into our "Orlando Fund" Culligan water jug, though I'm sure we'll stick a few dollars in there. It just means that we've transferred our thoughts from gifts on Christmas to a future goal. It's no longer about an individual, but about our family. That's the first step. We have a future goal that is (with lots of work and sacrifice) going to take us on a family vacation.

*As for how we will get enough money to actually take the trip to watch Chloe compete in the North American Championships, well, I can only pray, be disciplined, fundraise and hope for corporate sponsors and donations.

Most everyone is struggling finacially this year. It doesn't matter if you make the same amount as you did last year, have a second job, or a third job. Things are tight. You've felt it at the gas pump, in the grocery store and even in your day to day spending. We've had to tighten things significantly and change our spending habits. I am no longer an impluse shopper. I've broken the habit of "nickel and diming" and we rarely eat out as a family. If we do eat out, it's for lunch and it's just Rob and I. It's a nice way to cut back and still have that "date". The menu is cheaper and we're more likely to choose Chick-Fil-A than we are Chili's. We also share meals and we've found a local Mexican restaurant where the daily special of Chili Verde is just $4.99. We've even had to come to the hard realization that we were not careful with our finances before and now we have to do things MUCH different. That includes Christmas.

Which is why....

Christmas will be different this year.

Are you struggling with finances this year and would like some ideas on how to spend less for Christmas or totally change the social traditions and start making your own? Here are some of my own ideas and even a link where I found some great ideas, too.

1. Spend time teaching your children how to bake. It's a great skill, plus it teaches them simple math problems. Bake cookies, cakes and breads for your neighbors, family and friends. You don't have to give them the whole loaf or batch. Count how many are in the family and give them a plate with enough to give each of them one to two treats.

2. Write a letter to your loved one (friend, neighbor, family) and tell them how much they mean to you. You don't have to buy pretty stationary, just write (or type) it out, roll it up and tie it with ribbon. They'll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

3. While the kids are off of school, get them in on making menu's for the next two weeks. Not only will it teach them what goes in to all the meals they eat, but they'll begin to see just how much work it is for mom when they don't help. Can you tell that's my struggle? Let them make the menus, grocery list and let them shop. It doesn't end there. They help put the groceries away, maybe reorganize the fridge and pantry while they're at it (that's what Chloe would do) and even make the meals, too. Even the young ones can make pb&j with a plastic knife or a mini spatula.

4. Watch Christmas movies, eat popcorn, make pizza's and laugh yourself silly. That's what we'll be doing.

Elf is my favorite.

"Call me elf one more time!"

"He's an angry elf."

Haha! I love that movie!

"I like smiling. Smiling's my favorite!"

See? I just can't stop!

The part where he gets hit by the taxi and goes up the escalator are classic.

Okay, enough about Elf. Watch many different movies. If you don't have many or would rather not rent them, just ask your friends what they have in thier collection. Send an email out and see how many responses you get. List the movies you have in your collection in the email and maybe you'll be able to trade with a few friends over the holidays. Sharing is always good! Just remember to give them back and handle the DVD's properly and return them as soon as you can. Which, reminds me....

Anyway, while I search for that one movie I keep forgetting to return to a friend (sorry!), why don't you take a few moments to check out these links. If you have some of your own to share, please leave them in a comment!

Buy Nothing Christmas

50 Frugal Christmas Ideas

Frugal Christmas

2009 Western Region Oireachtas

2009-11-30T13:27:00.000-07:00

:::Edited at 3:59 PM (MST) on 11/30/09 to add the smaller video below that somehow didn't show up on the first publish.:::

I know, I know.....I have negelected my blog. I'm sorry. It seems to be a common theme around me, if you haven't yet noticed. And if you haven't yet noticed, then just look away. No need getting yourself all worked up over nothing.

So, like I said, I've neglected my blog, my house, laundry and even helping the kids with their homework. All due to sheer exhaustion. Anyway, since September, we've spent countless hours at dance, play practice, Oireachtas class and all the driving that all entails. Like my gas gauge, I'm frequently drained.

With that said, I thoroughly enjoyed the Thanksgiving break we had. Thanksgiving was wonderful and was spent with my mom & Nana. We were able to see "Old Dogs" on Friday, pulled out all the Christmas decorations, cleaned up a bit and just relaxed. Oh yeah, I played LEGO Indiana Jones II on Wii for several hours, too. The kids went back to school and I went back to work this morning. We are ready to forge ahead until the next break, which, luckily is only a few weeks away.

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Once I get some photo's of Casey in the play, I'll be sure to post them. The play that my middle son was in, Bah Humbug, was amazing and we are so proud him. This was his second play and he did amazingly well in both of them. I am glad it's over. The driving to pick the kids up from school, then back to pick him up just a couple hours later was a little overwhelming after a few dozen times.

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If you've been following me on Facebook or Twitter over the past week, you are aware that Irish dance is a huge part of our lives. I am, by all means, a Feis (pronounced "fesh") Mom and I'm proud of it. I have very talented Irish dancers and that happens to be the thing I am in charge of around these here parts. I make sure they get to class, practice, performances and I also volunteer a ton at the school. I also try my best to keep up to date on all-that-is-Irish-dance. This is not an easy task. Do you know how many rules and regulations there are? Not to mention trying to keep up with with your own dancers when they progress so quickly. Not that I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm excited and embrace all the newness surrounding us.

The 2009 Western Region Oireachtas which was held November 21-23 in Denver, CO. We flew in to Denver on November 19 and stayed in a beautiful hotel that my awesome mother paid for. Thanks mom!!!

Christmas decorations filled our hotel lobby. I loved feeling festive.

We left without the new dress for Chloe and prayed that her dress would be finished in time. We had a backup just in case, but it was not something we felt would be appropriate for Oireachtas. Styles change and this was an older style, for sure. Around 6:30 PM that evening, a group of our Crawford friends arrived with the dress in tow. We were estatic and relieved.

To celebrate our arrival at Oireachtas we went to a local Italian restaurant and the kids carb loaded.

Chloe and her dance friends.

Then we headed back to our hotels for the night. It's hard to fall asleep when you're nervous about the next day and how it will go, but thankfully sleep came easy for the three of us.

The next morning I awoke about 5:30 AM to shower and get ready. Rob and I got Chloe up and I began the long process of putting on her wig and make up. She was a trooper while I pulled and tugged her hair into four minature ponytails, then topped the top two off with bath puffs to give her wig some height. When the wig was snug and taut with bobby-pins, I placed her headband carefully around her ringlets and began to weep. She looked like a Champion dancer and I could no longer contain my emotions.

At the venue, we were able to put her dress on for the first time (with her wig). It was the complete package, part of what she is judged on along with her dancing skills, and again.....I began to cry.

Haha. There isn't one competition we've attended where Chloe hasn't pulled a face for the camera. It's just her way. I think it's her way of rebelling when I say, "Be sure to smile! Show the adjudicators that I don't force you to dance."

Chloe was at her second Oireachtas and so much was at stake for this little girl. If it didn't work out, that was okay. We would come back the next year and the next and the next until she didn't want to do it anymore. However, on that day, she was ready to show the adjudicators what she had worked so hard on since Oireachtas 2008.

First was her hornpipe, a hardshoe dance. I clung to my husband as our daughter approached the stage. My stomach was in knots and I was filled with emotions I cannot explain. I couldn't take my eyes off of her and at the same time I prayed that me watching her wouldn't make her nervous.

Standing in front of FIVE adjudicators, these three girls (out of 51 U10 competitors) danced their hearts out. All three of them wanted a recall. Wait, all fifty-one wanted a recall. Maybe some of them wanted to qualify for the North American Championships and others, perhaps, dreamed about qualifying for Worlds. Chloe, she just wanted to be one of 26 that would be recalled.

Then came the soft shoe portion of her dance, a reel. The one dance she tripped up on last year and the one I know she was worried about.

Girls leaving the stage (after bowing to the judges and musicians).

Chloe's group waiting.

They started the U10 hardshoe competition at 8:00 AM and we were done with both dances by 9:30 AM. Then we waited for what seemed like an eternity. Would Chloe get the chance to dance her "set", Hurry the Jug? We wouldn't know until we heard the recall numbers.

While the girls waited they stole my camera and decided to have some fun.

Can you have more fun than this?

Um.......

Apparently so.

We were able to steal her away for a family photo. I'm so rarely in a photo because I prefer to be behind the lens, but I figured it was a special occasion and should you (or I) need proof that I actually do exist, well...there you have it.

My "Pack Mule" RULZ!

Finally...around 11:30 AM we just happened to be walking into the ballroom when I heard the number eight. Sure, we could have stayed in the ballroom and waited for two hours, but we don't roll that way. Chloe needed to do something besides freak out and I needed to stop worrying about how to comfort her if she didn't recall. We stayed in the back listening intently as a TCRG (certified Irish dance instructor) called out the recall numbers. There was a slight delay in the reading of all the numbers because that TCRG flubbed big time. BIG time.

"...16, 18, 20, 21, 22..oh, wait..21, 24....." ACK! Are you kidding me? A loud groan came from the audience as she took out #22. I felt so sorry for that little girl. I wanted to cry for her. Can you even imagine how that little one must have felt, for just that moment? Terrible fauxpaus.

Then she went on and called out #31! I shrieked and grabbled Chloe (raising her off the ground), we were both crying. Our TCRG came in to the ballroom a little late and saw us crying, but had not heard the numbers. She wondered if it was a "bad cry or a good cry". It was a good cry, Jill! Definitely a good cry!

That evening, as we waited for the award ceremony to start, Chloe started to feel sick. She was nervous and it was starting to get to her. The only thing that worked was a lot of "Daddy Love". I love the fact that my daughter isn't too embarassed to get some snuggles from her daddy. I hope she never loses that.

And then it was time...........

Sorry about the screaming! I almost fell off the chair I was standing on, but my pack mule saved me. Thanks babe! If you want to know what I am screaming at, you'll have to listen closely to the announcement.

Chloe receives her crystal vase and a certificate for the NAC's.

She doesn't even know what is going on! It wasn't until she was standing back in line, while the other girls were called, that she was reading the certificate and started to wonder if she was qualified for National's. She really didn't know for sure until I told her after she came off the stage. Once I told her, she burst into tears and this is a tiny bit of video I was able to get after she found out.

After U10 was finished we all went out into the hall to celebrate, wipe away happy tears, and take photo's.

Clare WQ, Moira WQ, Chloe NQ & Jill (TCRG)

I just love this photo.

The Crawford Oireachtas girls all in one photo with their amazing instructor.

We had a great time in Denver. I enjoyed watching our Senior Ladies team.

Obviously, they aren't actual "seniors", as in 55+, but that's what they are called here in the Irish world. We actually had two teams. One was the Adult Ladies, which could be 55+, but none of them are. This is the first time Crawford has brought teams to Oireachtas and everyone was so proud of them. I was sad to miss the Adult ladies team compete. We ran from our hotel and missed it by just a few minutes. They started early and I guess we cut it too close by hoping they would stick to the schedule. Hmmmph!

Before we went home on Saturday evening, we were able to hang out with (almost) the whole gang for a bit. They were all starving, so we headed to Chipotle.

I have never been to Chipotle, to actually eat, but man did this place look yummy! Unfortunately, we had lunch just an hour before so we just enjoyed the company. I guess I'll just have to try Chipotle another day.

"Why don't you celebrate Halloween?"

2009-11-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

Inevitably, I get asked the Halloween question at least once a year. And, you know what? That's okay. I really don't mind.

In our family, the answer you get really depends on who you ask.

Lara from The Lazy Organizer (one of my favorite blogs!) has chosen to host a blog carnival for anyone who does things a little different on Halloween. If you want to read how The Lazy Organizer and others (like me) spent the holiday, go here.

Personally, I really don't care to bore you with all the different perspectives and beliefs, or even my husbands in-depth view of Halloween.

You're welcome!

However, I will tell you my main reasons for not celebrating the traditional Halloween (or "Hallelujah" as I like to call it) and why we don't make it such a big deal.

The Practical Reasons:

I really do not like spending tons of money on bags of candy. When I see pallets of Halloween candy in the stores, I break out in hives. Seriously. It causes me to have a mini anxiety attack just thinking about the upcoming holiday. Plus, when I must think of ways to spread out our groceries, I cannot fathom spending $20-$50 dollars on treats to give away. Call me a scrooge or call me frugal. I'll accept either and I will not be offended.

Costumes* cost a lot of money and even though we haven't purchased costumes for Halloween in 8 years, it's inevitable our children will cry for one. This year was no exception.

I enjoy going to one venue and letting the kids (and myself) be warm and have fun. In Utah, it's not unreasonable to have a foot of snow on the ground and when that happens, TOTing isn't fun. At all. Thankfully, this year we didn't have to deal with that, but it was a bit cold. Rob and I were a bit laid back this year, too. Still suffering from the craziness of the day we were both exhausted and just needed some down time. We pretty much stayed together in various parts of the church while the kids had fun with their friends and siblings.

My kids are learning a valuable lesson. That just because the world chooses to celebrate a holiday one way, it does not mean we have to follow along. We can be strong and adhere to our own personal convictions because ultimately, at the end of the evening, we want to feel good about the choices we've made. We have to take into account our own personal beliefs and go with that. It's okay to be different and while your friends may not understand, it's not your friends who will be with you 10, 20, 40 years from now, it's your family. Family is the most important part of any holiday.

The following are just a few photos I was able to snap in the evening from my iPhone. The day did not go as planned. I was a bit stressed out by the time we headed to the party and I forgot my camera. We had an impromtu Insta-Care visit for Chloe, a last minute Worship band practice for Rob and, of course, Irish Dance practice.

I don't even know who the kid is, but the Boba Fett costume is awesome! Or is it, Jango Fett?

Chloe waiting to throw some hoops.

This was a new game that pretty much died an hour into the evening. Oh well, the kids love it while it lasted.

We all know what this game is! Can you spot the blue frog? Sorry...I forgot my good camera.

This year they had a toddler area for the little ones. It was a great spot for the parents to rest, too.

Caleb beat me at this game. Obviously, my 8 year old has a better trigger finger than I.

I'm not really sure what Chloe was. I told her she was a "Biker Chick for Jesus!".

There were so many other games and areas of the church that I didn't even get to photograph. They also had a puppet show that I didn't get to see. They served chili, hotdogs and nachos for Free, so even though it wasn't healthy, it was something other than candy. The kids also had fun on the hay ride, sipping hot chocolate and keeping an eye out for the items on their scavenger hunt list.

* Costumes:

Every year our children try to get us to buy them something. Each year the whining is much less than the year before because we haven't given in, but it's whining none-the-less. This year, Chloe and Braden were fit to be tied because Caleb was getting an army costume and they were getting "nothing". Not because we were buying him one, but because his birthday falls right before Halloween and every year he has chosen to purchase some sort of costume with his birthday money.

Caleb enjoying his cotton candy while waiting for his turn at another game.

Last year it was a very high quality Disney "Jack Sparrow" costume and the year before he was a Star Wars Clone Trooper. When the kids were younger, I would hop into Gymboree or Gap Kids to see if there was anything on sale. I abhor cheapy plastic costumes and refuse to spend good money on them. They'll be useless within a week or two. Several times I scored big and was able to purchase dress-up costumes for play, not just for Halloween. Now that the kids are older, we require them to use their imaginations and refuse to spend money** on anything for Halloween. I am amazed at how creative my children can be when they must think up something themselves. The whole "No TV" thing has helped foster creativity, too, but that's a whole other story.

**I did cave this year and bought Braden (one of my almost 16 year olds) a $0.97 plastic top hat so he could be "Slash" or "Ozzy", or whatever he was. Plus, the reason I bought it was because I wanted to surprise him. It's not often he only wants something that is 97 cents, so I got a huge smile, a "Thank You, Mom!" and a happy teenager for only a buck. That is something to be Joyful about!!

Brenden (16)-Some emo/punk person with really tight purple pants. (Oy!)
Braden (16) -Slash/Ozzy. Someone with long black hair and a top hat.
Casey (13)-A mix of different pieces of clothing that he said was a "mime".
Chloe (10)-A biker chick for Christ, but it changed often.
Caleb (8)- An army guy.

Chloe waiting for her turn to pop some balloon's.

Too Old to Celebrate (with family)?:

This year was a bit different in how we spent the evening. While we did go to the Harvest Party at Calvary Chapel of Salt Lake City, we did not go as a whole family. This was our first Halloween apart. It was quite apparent that our teenager's didn't want to have anything to do with the Harvest Party. We don't attend CCSLC, so they weren't able to volunteer to run game booth's, etc. So, instead of hanging out with us, our (almost) sixteen year old twin boys decided they would rather spend time with their friends.

I'm not sure why they would want to do a thing like that, but I'll try not to take it personally.

The twins actually had something else planned. Our home church was holding a youth conference on "Heaven & Hell" and a Halloween Howl (dance) afterwards. It's been a bit difficult trying to find something that they could do that didn't contradict everything we've instilled in them the past eight years. Some friends were going to haunted houses (Nope!) and some school friends were having parties (Um, I don't think so!). The dance (at the church) wasn't quite what I had hoped, in fact, I doubt we'll allow them to attend a Halloween event at our home church ever again.

Next year I am thinking we may just try to find a service project to do. Maybe serve soup to the homeless? We have a year to plan, but I would rather do something as a whole family while we still can.

Regardless, a great time was had by all at our non-traditional celebration. What did you do on Hallelujah or Halloween?

It wasn't so bad........

2009-10-21T15:10:00.000-06:00

Right now, while I'm content with Motrin and Lortab coursing through my veins, I wanted to take this moment to tell everyone who sent prayers and good thoughts my way....Thank You!

I felt a little anxious this morning, but Rob took care of everything so I didn't have to stress out. I love that man. Our first stop was to my Orthodontist to remove the whole top wire and the one bracket on a tooth that was to be removed. For those of you who know teeth numbers it was #7 (the small tooth next to your front tooth on the right side). Dr. E. was very adamant that we not put the pontics back on until next Monday. I knew it was for the best and had prepared myself that I would be without my front teeth for the rest of the week/end. I held it all together until I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. It was then I burst into tears and all the emotions of the past few days came pouring out of me. Rob grabbed my bag and we left.

We were early for my surgery, so Rob and I went to Kid to Kid to check on some uniform clothes for Caleb who starts a Charter school on Monday. I found an almost brand new pair of American flag Robeez for a neighbor baby and we found one pair of navy blue slacks for Caleb. I kept forgetting to not talk to people and I think I even smiled at one lady. I was quick to stop smiling, but she probably saw the huge black space anyway. Oh well. At least I am friendly and have good manners. Right?

At the oral surgeons (Dr. K) , I was taken back quickly and things just started rolling. I freaked Dr. K out by wishing him luck on finding a vein and getting it the first time. Wouldn't you know, Dr. K stuck the IV in and voila...he got the vein. Dr. K even raised his arms in VICTORY. He's not humble or anything.

I dont remember going to sleep, but I do remember feeling a little groggy. At some point, during the surgery, I woke up and fell back asleep several times. I wasn't in any pain, but I was cognitive enough to think "I hope this isn't one of those situations where I can't move, but can feel the surgery." I willed myself to move my hand and it moved, so I fell back alseep.

Dr. K removed #6 & #7, did a bone graft and had to do some skin grafts (from my mouth) to close the extra girth added by the bone graft. I'll be sore for several days, but I can drink through a straw. Now how's that for a wonderful gift! I was sure I would be on straw restriction. The Lord knew I needed a Jamba Juice.

Rob brought me home and put me to bed, then ran out to get my medication. I slept until he returned. He put in Transformer's, made me Ramen noodles and brought me a diet Crush. I called my mom to tell her I was doing fine and now I will head back to bed. I think the Lortab is starting to really kick in. Fun!

Again, thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. They mean the world to me and I know they're the primary source of my feeling comfortable.

Happy Birthday, Caleb!! & Updates

2009-10-18T19:49:00.000-06:00

Today is my baby's EIGHTH Birthday!

I can't even believe how quickly these years have just flown by. It seems like yesterday that he was snuggled to my breast for nourishment, comfort and love.

I remember how sweet he smelled.

I remember his adorable smile and how his giggle would make me burst into laughter.

He loved being next to me in his sling and I loved wearing him.

He was a high-need's baby and I didn't mind a bit. All he wanted was his mommy (and daddy) and you know what? That was A-OK! When he was a toddler, he would bring me the sling so that I would wear him. All I had to do was tighten him in and he would be at peace. We would be at peace.

We nursed for two and a half years. Towards the end, I was not offering and not refusing. He weaned himself...when he was ready. I'm not sure I was ready, but I was proud that I gave him the chance to become independent on his own. Oh, and while he was a high-need's baby, co-slept, breast-fed on demand, wore cloth diapers, spent most of his first two years in a sling and didn't eat solids until he was 11 months old....

He is, and always has been, my most snugly and independent child.

After he finished eating dinner this evening, he came over to me and put his head on me. I knew he was anxious to open his gifts, but he wasn't feeling well either. His face was flushed and his eyes glossy. I asked him if he wanted to lie down in my bed while our family guests finished eating and visiting. He asked me to come with him and so I did. We snuggled together while I rubbed his back. I enjoyed every minute of our time together. Luckily, Caleb loves to snuggle and sometimes I overlook this need, so I'm thankful I wasn't too busy to see the opportunity. I would have missed it otherwise.

Happy 8th Birthday, Caleb!!!

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Have you ever felt like you didn't know what to write and when you did write something, it sounded awful and scattered?

That's how I've been feeling for a month, or so. I'm not interesting, funny or thought provoking.

How depressing.......

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Semi-Organized Mom's Surgery Update:

I will be having my first big oral surgery this Wednesday. I'm really nervous about it. Even though I know what will happen, I can't help but feel a little anxiety about it all.

First, I'll be put to sleep under general anesthesia.

Second, Two of my teeth will be removed and one of them is my impacted eye tooth.

Third, I will have a bone graft where they remove the eye tooth....complete with cadavar bone. Ewww!

I've taken Wednesday-Sunday off from work, so I'm hoping to get some rest while the kids are at school. I know I'll be well taken care of and am grateful for the help my wonderful IRL friend has offered. She is picking my kids up from school on Thursday (offered Wed, but Rob will do that.) and I'm sure she'll help out Friday if I need her to.

I think the fact that I don't know how I'm going to feel, how quickly I will heal, how much pain I'll be in...well, that's frightening to me. Am I overly anxious? Probably. Or maybe what I'm feeling is just "normal". Regardless, most people don't really openly discuss their teeth issues and if they do, it's not usually about losing teeth, implants or pontics.

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I went to a Women's One-Day Conference at my church (SMCC) on Saturday. My friend accompanied me and we both had a wonderful time. I enjoyed the worship, the amazing lunch and I couldn't get enough of Wendy Blight, the guest speaker.

She spoke so many truth's and God's promises. I felt like she was speaking directly to me, at times. I think I'll stop here, because I want to devote an entire blog post to my thoughts. If you want to learn more about Wendy and Proverbs 31 Ministries, click on the link above.

sock glue...an Irish dancer's best friend

2009-10-07T23:22:00.000-06:00

This is "Sock Glue".

This is my daughter wearing sock glue.

"Why does your daughter need, um, sock glue?"

"Because. (rolls eyes) She needs to keep her white "poodle socks" from slipping down while she dances."

"Um...okay, but glue?"

"Yeah. If her socks ever slipped, even a smidgen, in front of an adjudicator, she wouldn't get first place. Not to mention, all the other Feismom's would be shaking their heads at me. That's why!"

"So, um, how does she get it off?"

"The glue?"

"Uh....yeah."

"Oh. Well, that depends. If we're at a hotel, she'll throw on her suit and jump in the pool with her socks on. She looks really funny, but it works. Once the socks get wet, the glue doesn't stick anymore. Otherwise, she just peels them off on our way home. Very. Very. Slowly.

Like a Bandaid. Or a scab.

You should see the faces she makes. Talk about hilarious!!"

And while we're on the subject of "sock glue", I thought I'd turn your attention to the most comical Irish Dance blogger known to man and his thoughts on sock glue.

Zebadiah and Beauregard's Front Porch (aka, ZandB's)

mouse trouble

2009-10-07T01:03:00.000-06:00

No! Not this kind of mouse!

This kind of mouse. The Apple mouse. He's cute, dontcha think?

If you're having trouble with the scroll ball on your Apple mouse, did you know there are a couple tricks to get it back up and running again? I didn't. And then, well, the mouse started misbehaving. Mice tend to do that from time to time.

So, I Googled it. I love Google. Don't you? You can find most anything on Google and these people have really hit the jackpot.

Like, um, this blogger.

And this blogger, who really cracks me up with his list of "google search terms". I didn't even know this was possible! How does one even search how people found their websites?

But I digress. So, back on the ball or to the ball. Or something like that.

Trick #1: Pick up your mouse and flip it upside down. Scroll the ball back and forth, left and right all the while pressing pretty firmly. Check to see if it's scrolling properly. If not, try it again.

Trick #2 (my favorite): Grab a clean white piece of paper and flip your mouse upside down on top of it. With the ball firmly placed on the paper, roll it back and forth. Make sure you're pressing firmly or it will not work. Lift your mouse off the paper and see if there is any black residue (Ewww!) left over. I did this one time and the mouse was good as new.

With other mouses/mice/mousi you can just twist off the ball cover, remove the ball and q-tip out the lint that is inside. Voila! A new mouse to scamper around your desk top.

Marriage Counseling

2009-10-06T12:14:00.000-06:00

The other day, I received a Facebook message from a beautiful young woman who is about to be married. In FOUR days! I met her shortly after we started attending Calvary Chapel back in 2001. She was in Jr. High and Rob was one of her Youth teachers. I've seen her grow into a beautiful woman who loves God. So, when she asked me to answer some questions about Marriage counseling, I felt honored. Without going into too much detail (seeing as it is for a school paper and I doubt they wanted an in depth five thousand page manual) this is what I sent her. It's a little choppy, what with five children needing this or that. You all understand, I'm sure.

A little background might help, too.

We were young when we married, however, we were not pregnant. We married in 1992 when I was 17 and my husband was 21. My mother had to sign for the marriage license because I was not yet 18. We didn’t marry under the best of circumstances and I doubt I would want my own son or daughter to start off the way we did. Basically, we were two young kids playing house. With that said....

Do you think you're marriage would have survived without professional help?

Absolutely not!! I also have to admit that we both did not know God. We were both LDS and were struggling with a religion neither one of us understood. After many years of living as “Jack Mormon’s” we decided it was high time we figured out what we had professed to believe. In 2000, we decided to take the full missionary lessons again and walked away even more confused. In 2001, our lives changed. We walked away from Religion and found relationships with God. We began fellowshipping at Calvary Chapel and our marriage (though not perfect) has not seen the depths of darkness it once did. I am grateful that we had the counseling when we needed it. I do not think we would have made it to 2001 without our willingness to be open with each other and a stranger who just wanted to see a marriage work. Whatever the sacrifice, I am grateful we both fought hard for our marriage!

Our first counseling session was in 1997. We were on the verge of divorce and we fought all the time. Our #1 problem was that we did not know how to communicate with each other without making each other defensive. We were selfish and did not know how to relate with one another. We were two separate people trying to live together, and raise three small children, but what’s worse is that we struggled through our first years of marriage in a society where we throw spouses away like trash. Your friends and family will say to “dump him/her”, “You can do better!”, “We told you it wouldn’t work out!”. How can one even desire to seek out help for their own marriage when some of the people closest to them may not feel your marriage is worth the struggle/pain/hurt/confusion/time?

We had all the basics. I loved my husband with a passion, I longed for him, wanted to bear his children, grow old with him, I wanted to be with him every moment of the day and I couldn’t imagine life without him. I remember, during a very hard part of our marriage, my husband even said, “We can live off love.” Haha. I, a female, naturally desired security and he, an adventurous male, didn’t have any idea what a savings account was.

What kind of advice did the counselors give to you to help your relationship?

It wasn’t even much about what advice they gave us, but more about how they helped us relate to and with each other. Listening to me discuss my own childhood and my own feelings helped my husband see me for who I was. The same went for how I viewed him and his actions.

For weeks, we listened to each other as our counselor helped guide our emotions. He also helped keep us in check. We cried, got angry, laughed and when we finally got to the depth of the real issues we....grew. Together. It was amazing!

Our counselor(s) (yes we’ve had several over the first 10 years of our marriage..currently 17 years.) taught us how to use the “I” technique. Instead of saying,

“I can’t believe you forgot about dinner with my family! You’re a jerk! You spend so many hours in front of that television or with your friends and you never spend any time with me! Why don’t you want to do what I want to do?!”

You would say, something like...

“I feel like my family doesn’t matter sometimes and it makes me sad. It also makes me scared because I feel it’s important to have a strong family and lately things have just been different. I love my parents/siblings and I think it’s important to set aside time to build those relationships.”

(I found the following off of The Marriage Counseling Blog when I Googled "I statements". Click on the title below to visit this great blog!!

The “I” Statements in Couples Counseling

We’ve all heard it before, right? Even the most psychologically unsavvy among us has heard the importance of using “I” statements when communicating with others, such as “I feel like you’re not listening to me” instead of “You never listen to me.” The former statement is less likely to elicit a feeling of defensiveness and allows the other party to understand how their behavior is making you feel.

Couples counseling teaches you to talk to your partner in a way that is productive and “I” statements contribute to overall communication. Many couples have to “retrain” their speech to include “I” statements, but once they do, it becomes habitual and easy.

Here are a few other reasons “I” statements help facilitate healthy communication:

“I” statements help:

Express feelings productively.

Respectfully confront someone when you are bothered by his or her behavior.

Express difficult feelings without attacking the self-esteem of the person.

Clarify for you and the other person precisely what you feel. Prevent feelings from building up and festering into a bigger problem.

Communicate difficult feelings in a manner that minimizes the other person’s need to become defensive, and increases the likelihood that the person will listen.

“I” statements may seem obvious to many of us, but if you watch your speech with others, especially when you are angry or upset, you’ll notice how “you” statements come to the foreground. “You” statements will quickly block communication and can often lead to a communication stalemate.

So focus on “I” during the next talk you have with your partner. You’ll find your communication operating considerably more smoothly and defenses dropping drown quickly.

During our sessions my husband coined a phrase, “Pee on the toilet seat.” This became something our counselor started to say, too. It would always bring a roar of laughter, but once all the bitterness, anger and frustration was peeled away, we realized what that phrase meant. We still use it today. “Pee on the toilet seat” was the little things that got in the way of the main issue. These little issues became daily gripes and suddenly that’s all there were. Lots and lots of daily gripes. Enough that one might think you actually despised the person you married. Not just that, but it became the only thing I could get upset about when all the really deep issues were just too scary for me to bring up. When I couldn’t talk to him about the things that hurt me, how I felt lonely, used and untrusting, I complained about pee on the toilet seat or his dirty clothes on the floor, etc. We never got to the big issues that were tearing apart our marriage because we were so busy knocking each other down with the little things.

Was communication ever an issue for you?

Yes! “Pee on the toilet seat!”

Would you recommend counseling to a couple in need?

Without hesitation. I would probably choose Christian counseling if we needed it today, but I would not rule out a secular counselor. Furthermore, I would not listen to ONE person who told me my marriage wasn’t worth it. I also wouldn’t really seek out advice from anyone who is just recently married or lacking the value of marriage we’ve had. Singles...if you ever have a friend who says they would “never go to a counselor”, “That if they couldn’t work it out on their own then they shouldn’t be married.”...

Run, don’t walk, away from that friendship.

And, on another note, if you ever feel like you are in danger or you are being abused you need to get help! IMMEDIATELY! I will never say that your spouse will not change...even though most others will... (EVERYONE can change if they really want to and are willing to get the help), but you MUST be strong, get counseling for yourself and let it be known that if there is any hope for your marriage, your spouse must have counseling, you must have counseling and when you both are ready, you both have marital counseling. You are worth it, your spouse is worth it and your marriage (and children) are worth any amount of work it takes to build a stronger union. At least, in the end, if your spouse refuses to change and take responsibility for his/her own behavior, you’ll have gone though months of counseling and learned how to be strong. Now you can move on with your life and know you did everything to try and make it work.

I think that is all for now if I think of more or if you have other things you think would help my cause that would be fantastic.

You’re welcome! Let me know if you need anything else! Sorry if this seems choppy...I didn’t have much time to put it all together.

Lorri

Honestly Honest

2009-09-24T07:55:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite bloggers, MckMama, recently blogged about how she has decided to take back control of her blog. Hallelujah!! That, despite the slashing of pristine acrylic nails upon her character (my words, not hers) and the unfathomable gnashing of rotten teeth (again, my eloquent words, not hers) that spew nasty, hurtful words towards her, her family and her readers, she will continue to be honest on her blog even if others continue to use her honesty as fodder to further their pathetic cause.

It is, with all due respect, her blog.

Personally, I think they should go back to worrying about their own lives (maybe remove the crumbs from the bottom of their toaster, or something.) and stop putting so much energy into trying to destroy someone else's. Buy hey, that's just my opinion and nobody has to agree with me. Even though you should. Because, I'm right.

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MckMama's post got me thinking about my own writing and my own honesty. Before I started Semi-Organized Mom, I was positive that I really wanted to share creative ways to organize, recipes, parenting and even marital issues. When thinking about my own blog and deciding what I wanted to blog about, I guess I wasn't very honest with myself. Yes, I'm truly Semi-Organized, a wife, a mother of five, a professed FeisMom (proud of it!), a chronic organizer, and I am a Christian. However, I also fight a daily battle with PTSD, depression and an eating disorder. I have many reasons to be depressed, but I have 10x as many to be Joyful and yet, Joy is one of the hardest things for me to experience.

Honest.

Within the past two weeks I've felt extremely overwhelmed. My anxiety levels went through the roof. I've had suicidal "wonders" and then would burst into tears because I could never kill myself. First, my kids would miss me and my husband would be left alone. Not only that, but my mom...I could never leave her. How selfish of me.

Then I'd say, "But I'm tired of not being selfish. I have no one to talk to (not even my husband because he's stressed out, too and we'll just end up in a fight), no one to cry on, no one to vent to. No one." The cyle of loneliness would go around so many times I couldn't take it anymore.

Then, in some ironic twist of fate, I would just recover.

Like that.

Fakefully (is that a word?) cheerful for the world because I didn't want to deal with any more pain. Nor did I want to deal with one of my biggest pet peeve's...fake sympathy. If there is one thing that I despise more in this world, it's fake sympathy. Gag! Seriously, take it somewhere else, because I can see right through it all. I'm rather good at reading body language. You see, I am a CODA (child of deaf adult). Both of my parents were profoundly deaf. I grew up in the deaf community where people signed to communicate and their body language said everything. I can read people like a book. Better than a book... because it's visual. Despite being extremely good at reading people (voice, body language, demeanor), I suck (for lack of a better word at 1 AM) at being observant of what goes on around me. I "check out" mentally when things get rough. It's a terrible coping mechanism and yet, I really believe that it's how I've learned to cope/manage that has kept the anxiety attacks from taking my life.

Maybe I'm so busy reading people (and protecting myself) that I fail to see other things that are important. Maybe growing up so differently makes me unlikeable. Maybe people don't understand why I am different. Maybe it bugs them. I don't know. I see their emotions because I read them. I want to help and usually they get it out (via me). It can be trivial or traumatic, but I've given them an outlet. Someone to mull it over with or just feel like someone really cared enough to ask the REAL questions.

So, I spent many hours these past two weeks crying over things I really have no control over. I cried because I didn't have any true close friends and then became angry because "who were they to treat me this way?! They used to call me all the time to vent, complain, cry, whine or just gab away. We would go places together, spend time together, call each other...laugh. Now they've made new friends and shut me out...completely! Did they get what they wanted and now they don't need my friendship anymore? No matter that maybe I needed someone to ask me the deep questions. No matter. I changed what I was doing to be there for them and then, when I'm the one suffering, where are they? Do they even call to see how I am doing? Knowing that my, "Yeah, things are great." comment was just what they wanted to hear, now they could get it off their guilty conscious and move on because...."at least they asked." Do they even wonder why I haven't called to chat with them? Am I just that good at hiding my pain?

Huh?

Is that really friendship?

Quickly, I change from being hurt to angry and then from angry to negative. "They probably are glad I do not call them. What did I do to them? What's wrong with me? Am I really that bad of a friend? I've been nothing but nice and helpful and friendly and I just keep getting spat upon. I'm sick of being a friend, being ignored and being treated as less than by people who, frankly, don't deserve my friendship. Who would/could really be my friend? I'm really not likeable."

Yep, that was/is me. All manic and stuff, but the emotion is still real. The thoughts are still real. The feelings are still....raw. And real. I'm not just imagining it all in my head, because, it's real. I'm finally just dealing with it the best way I know how. Cry, get mad, negative self-talk, stuff it away........and the cycle goes on and on and on.

Don't get me wrong, my suicidal wonders weren't about being friendless. They were about feeling hopeless in my marriage, parenting, all relationships, being a homemaker, etc. The only thing that has kept me from becoming completly unglued is the fact that I have a job. A good job, that helps people. I get to make people HAPPY! I help people, they say "Thank You" and I'm done. Sometimes they beg me to take a bag of garden tomatoes (which I love!!), but always it's a "Thank You!" Well, except for today, but that's okay because it's rare that someone is not appreciative of our service when they need it the most. Simple. Heartwarming. No excess expectations on either part, no hurt feelings, just a sense of giving and being appreciated. My job is amazing and I am grateful that I get to help many people each week.

In the past two weeks I made a huge mistake. I abruptly stopped taking 60mg of Cymbalta without doing any research on the side effects. Stupid me. This is where the suicidal wonders came in. I debate going back on the meds. My husband and my children really need me to take them and I feel like a much more calm wife/mommy when I do. My PTSD is controlled, my anxiety attacks are almost non-existant and well, I feel "normal". What I hate about taking the meds is that it allows me to disagree with something, but not truly stand up for what I know is right. Before, I'd really debate the issues and try to come to some sort of agreement. Maybe I was extreme in my behavior, but my points were vaild and (believe me) duly noted. On Cymbalta, I still put up a debate, but I easily retreat into my shell because the anxiety isn't there to keep it going.

Does that make any sense?

Ultimately, I want to live. I want to experience Joy and true Happiness along with all the other normal hurts and pains of life. I want to embrace them and trust God. I know that God has and will continue to use my hurts for His glory, I've seen it! God has taken some of my darkest moments of my life (the ones that caused the PTSD) and made beauty from ashes. I cling to those times, hopes, goals and praises when I calm down enough to remember them. I pray that, as I open up (and stop hiding), I'll be able to experience the joy God meant for me.

Why should I only focus on one aspect of my life, when there are so many ~~diamonds~~ emeralds waiting to be found!

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that I will still write about organizing, Irish Dance, teenagers and being a mom of 5, but I will also write about the other things I am. A struggling survivor of terrible abuse, constant fear, engulfing shame and controlling addiction. A survivor who, after loads of therapy, still cannot seem to see the beauty until it's pointed out to me.

Regardless, I'm still a survivor! And I'm here!

Organize & Simplify -CD's

2009-09-15T09:31:00.000-06:00

If you're like me, you have a plethora of CD's that you really don't use anymore.

Right? Right.

Maybe it's because you don't like the artist anymore, only like three songs on it, or maybe because you've already uploaded the album to your iTunes account and downloaded it to your iPod.

All of the above applied to me and it was high time I did something about it. A couple weeks ago I hauled out our dusty file box full of compact disc's so that I could upload our (once favorite) albums to our iTunes account.

This isn't even a speck of the discs we had.

In the dusty file box was an empty case that I had purchased many years ago and decided to finally use. Disc by disc I would remove the insert and throw away the plastic case (including the back insert). After I uploaded each disc I would decide if I wanted to throw it away or keep it in the new case.

It was very time consuming uploading all the discs, but worth it to finally simplify a file box of compact discs into one zippered case.

CD Storage Options:

If you do not want to get rid of the plastic cases you can purchase cardboard CD boxes to hold your collection. I've searched for inexpensive and attractive containers, but these seem to be the best option.

IKEA KASSETT CD box w/ lid $3.99/2 pack

Happy Organizing!!!

Twins on versed = Hilarious!

2009-09-14T18:11:00.000-06:00

A week ago, tomorrow, the twins had double tonsillectomies. They've done most everything together since conception, why not surgery, too? They're healing well and have been able to manage the pain. It's still hard to swallow and they talk funny, but they might just head back to school sometime this week. We'll see.

Brenden Pre-Op

"Look at my cool booties!"

"Be sure to tie a double knot!"

Brenden went into surgery first, so he was the first to come out of the drugs. They gave both boys versed and ended up having to give Brenden Narcan, after they put him under, to reverse the sedation. He was having difficulty breathing and keeping his heart rate up with so much sedation. The nurse called him a "light weight". They ended up giving Braden a smaller dose of versed due to Brenden's reaction.

After surgery...still loopy.

Braden was so nervous I didn't get any before photos of him. He has a pretty severe case of needlephobia and after they took Brenden away, we spent a long time trying to explain everything. He ended up getting the IV before going in to surgery and was very proud of himself that he did everything, "Just like Brenden." I was proud of him, too.

After surgery, they wheeled Braden into the recovery area where Brenden already was and placed their beds side by side. Braden woke up enough to tap Brenden and said, "Brenden, I need to tell you something. I need to tell you something. Brenden....I love you." He reached his hand through the side bars and they held hands. Awww. Brenden, coming out of it, held his hand and didn't complain. I can only imagine how connected these two are. I'll have to remember this moment the next time they are trying to kill each other.

Brenden had us cracking up in pre-op. I was laughing so hard I actually pee'd my pants. A teeny-tiny bit. Having five children doesn't help ones bladder control and deep gut laughing doesn't help either. Seriously, I was rolling. Both Rob and I were. The nurses were even laughing (a little), but I guess they see people like this all the time. We, luckily, haven't witnessed our teenage boys "high" and I hope we never do. The doctors came in and told us we were having too much fun. Hehehe. I wish I would have recorded everything that day. It would have made great YouTube fodder. Don't take my word on it though, you decide.

I don't like to disappoint my readers, and in keeping with my amazing ability to embarass my children, I present to you.....

Brenden (after surgery) still recovering from versed.

Eight years later....

2009-09-11T12:15:00.000-06:00

Patriot Day means so much to our family. It's a day we honor and remember. It's a day we pray and reflect. It's a day we remember the thousands of innocent victims who died (and the loved ones they left behind) on September 11, 2001.

The passengers and crew of American Airlines Flight 11, which hit the North Tower at 8:46 a.m.:

The passengers and crew of United Airlines Flight 175, which hit the South Tower at 9:02 a.m.:

The thousands of people in the World Trade Center's and those on the ground. I can't imagine the terror, panic, and suffering these individuals endured.

The passengers and crew of American Airlines Flight 77, which hit the Pentagon at 9:38 a.m.:

The passengers and crew of United Airlines Flight 93, which dove into a Pennyslvania field at 10:06 a.m.:

The brave police officers and firefighter's who risked their lives and to those who lost their lives (even in the days after) trying to save others:

Our family will never forget!

When my 10 year old daughter asked me how many people died on 9/11, I knew it was close to three thousand, but I wanted to have a more definate answer. I found it and would like to share it with you.

Number of 9/11 Deaths

At least 2,985 people died in the September 11, 2001, attacks, including:

19 terrorists
2,966 victims [2,998 as of Spring 2009]

All but 13 people died on that day. The remaining 13 later died of their wounds. One person has died since the attacks, of lung cancer. It is suspected to have been caused by all the debris from the Twin Towers.

There were 266 people on the four planes:

American Airlines Flight 11 (crashed into the WTC): 92 (including five terrorists)
United Airlines Flight 175 (crashed into the WTC): 65 (including five terrorists)
American Airlines Flight 77 (crashed into the Pentagon): 64 (including five terrorists)
United Flight 93 (downed in Shanksville, PA): 45 (including four terrorists)

There were 2,595 people in the World Trade Center and near it, including:

343 NYFD firefighters and paramedics
23 NYPD police officers
37 Port Authority police officers
1,402 people in Tower 1
614 people in Tower 2
658 people at one company, Cantor Fitzgerald
1,762 New York residents
674 New Jersey residents
1 NYFD firefighter killed by a man jumping off the top floors of the Twin Towers

There were 125 civilians and military personnel at the Pentagon.

1,609 people lost a spouse or partner on 9/11. More than 3,051 children lost parents.

While it was mostly Americans who were killed in this horrific attack, there were also 327 foreign nationals. Here is the breakdown, according to country:

Argentina: 4 Australia: 11 Bangladesh: 6 Belarus: 1 Belgium: 1 Bermuda: 1 Brazil: 3 Canada: 27 Chile: 2 China: 4 Cote d'Ivoire: 1 Colombia: 17 Democratic Republic of the Congo: 2 Dominican Republic: 1 El Salvador: 1 Ecuador: 3 France: 1 Germany: 11 Ghana: 2 Guyana: 3 Haiti: 2 Honduras: 1 India: 1 Indonesia: 1 Ireland: 6 Israel: 5 Italy: 4 Jamaica: 16 Japan: 26 Jordan: 2 Lebanon: 3 Lithuania: 1 Malaysia: 7 Mexico: 16 Moldova: 1 Netherlands: 1 New Zealand: 2 Nigeria: 1 Panama: 2 Peru: 5 Philippines: 16 Portugal: 3 Poland: 1 Russia: 1 South Africa: 2 South Korea: 28 Spain: 1 Sweden: 1 Taiwan: 1 Ukraine: 1 Uzbekistan: 1 United Kingdom: 67 Venezuela: 1

Home-spun Labor Day Fun

2009-09-07T17:37:00.000-06:00

I have never been, and never will be, a night person. Once I am asleep it will take an actual fire alarm to wake me up and last night was no exception. It shouldn't surprise anyone that I didn't know Caleb had vomited twice during the night, Rob had also vomited (while cleaning up after Caleb), Caleb was in bed with us and was in the middle of vomiting (for the third or fourth time) when I finally woke up enough to realize that my child was sick. Rob didn't wake me because he knows I can't handle it. We both would have been sick and that would not be good.

Rob woke me up about 8:40 so that I could take my mom and Nana to the airport. Caleb had a fever so, after I dropped them off, I stopped at Wally World to buy some chewable Tylenol, popsicles, Chicken Noodle soup and Gatorade.

Rob and Caleb have been snuggled in bed watching movies and playing Xbox all day. They stopped long enough to eat some soup. Caleb still has a fever, but hasn't been sick since early this morning.

The other kids have pretty much entertained each other while I finished some Crawford work and my time sheet. They were being so good that I decided (before they became bored and started killing a sibling or two) it was time to put them to work making Mini Bagel Pizza's for dinner and the freezer. It was a mixed reaction. The older boys weren't thrilled that I was making them do a pre-school project, but they all did a great job.

Feverish Caleb (eating chicken soup) watching his siblings create his future snacks.

The kids and hubby thought the homemade pizza sauce was yummy! Why I was so afraid to make my own sauce and pizza is beyond me. I can't wait to start saving money on something we eat often!!

Mini Bagel Pizza's

1 bag of Mini-Bagels cut in half (I use the ones from Cost-co)

Cheese (we used Italian blend and Mild Cheddar)

Olives (ours were whole and the kids did the slicing)

Pepperoni

**Use your favorite toppings, leftover's, etc.**

Pizza Sauce

1 can (28 oz) Tomato Puree

1 1/2 cups water

1 tablespoon dried parsley

2 teaspoons dried basil

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 tablespoon Italian Seasoning

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 cup olive oil

2-3 tablespoon's garlic powder

1-1.5 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoons sugar

Combine all ingredients into large bowl and whisk until blended. Taste and add more seasonings as needed.

Spoon sauce on to bagel, add toppings and bake for 10-15 minutes in a 350* oven.

You can also microwave these, but I wouldn't. The bagel may be edible and chewy for a few minutes, but it will soon be too chewy.

Freezing Mini Bagel Pizza's: After the kids created all the mini-pizza's I put them on cookie sheets lined with freezer paper and put them in the freezer for 30 minutes - 1 hour. Cut wax paper (or freezer paper) into squares and alternate bagel/paper/bagel/paper for bulk storage or indivudally wrap each bagel. Toss them into a freezer Zip-Lock bag or other preferred container for freezer storage.

You'll probably want to bake the frozen bagels at 400* until the cheese is bubbly and golden brown.

Now that the kitchen is clean, the clan is fed and my sickies are resting, I am off to prepare for our busy day tomorrow, which includes, a double tonsilectomy, loads of laundry and the possibility of more vomiting children.

The Story of Our Heart Baby

2009-08-19T21:16:00.000-06:00

Braden (L) & Brenden (R)

Brenden Ashton was born on November 24, 1993 at 12:10 AM weighing in at 5 lbs and 17" long. His identical twin brother, Braden Aloysius, was born at 12:11 AM and weighed in at 4 lbs 11 oz and 18" long. Both of these amazing, and feisty, miracles gestated skin to skin as Monoamniotic/Monochorionic, or MOMO, twins.

For 35 weeks they created intriquite knots in each others umbilical cords (I'll find the photo and post it one day), had amazing wrestling matches, sucked on each others hands (and feet!) and gave each other black eyes as they fought for wiggle room.

Brenden loved to kick Braden up into my ribs and, wouldn't you know it, just as Brenden tired of playing trampoline on my bladder, Braden would issue a swift knee to the chin and the wrestling match would start once again.

Little did we know that they weren't exactly "identical". Brenden was hiding a little secret that threatened his life. In these photo's you would never know that he was sick and we didn't know how sick he really was.

After eleven and a half years of not knowing what was wrong with our son, wondering if it was actually me (his mom) who was sick, second guessing my instincts and being told "He has asthma" over and over again, our son was diagnosed with a rare congenital heart defect known as a Double Aortic Arch or Vascular Ring.

Brenden, our oldest son (by one minute), seemed to have every test, illness, medication and diagnosis known. He received two sweat tests because the pediatrician was sure he had Cystic Fibrosis. From just a few weeks on, our little guy would wheeze, choke on food, throw up, cough and have stridor. Nothing helped him. Without going into too much detail, thus making this blog way too long, here is a list of things we were told from birth to diagnosis:

We were told Brenden had/Brenden was given:

*Milk Allergy (infancy) and was put on Soy formula and then Nutrimagen.

*Given a scope and told he had a narrow esophogus and he would grow out of it by 1 year.

*Pre-diagnosed with Asthma, but told he was too young to really give a diagnosis.

*Given gobs of medications for asthma.

*Allergy testing

*Hospitialized with pneumonia at age 2.

*ER and InstaCare visits for steroids and nebulizer treatments.

*Two sweat tests to rule out Cystic Fibrosis.

*Enough x-rays to light up California and even one where his twin brother helped out.

*A distraught mother who knew something was wrong, but nobody listened to her.

*Coughing fits that would last hours and usually ended in vomiting.

*Choking on small pieces of food, but we thought he wasn't chewing properly. After repeating this meal after meal we were upset and would get upset with Brenden for not chewing his food. I still feel horrible for being angry/scared/frustrated with him at the dinner table. Poor guy!

*Adnoidectomy

*ENT visits

*Strangers who thought he was "really sick and should be at home!" Uh, thanks.

*Teachers who called numerous times a year in regards to Brenden's coughing fits.

*Many missed weeks of school.

*Had this virus and that virus.

*Bronchitis

*Chronic Bronchitis

*Sinusitis

*Chronic Sinusitis

*Asthma

*Seasonal Asthma

*Lung sensitivity to cold air

*"He probably makes too much mucous." -PCMC ER Dr. when asked "If you can't find anything wrong with him, then why has he sounded this way since birth?".

That last one (in bold) was actually my final straw. From age 8-11, I had resigned myself to the fact that Brenden suffered from asthma, even though I really didn't feel right about it. Nobody listened to me and everyone shrugged off his symptoms. I figured I was the crazy one. Around 11 years of age, Brenden began suffering from unexplained migraines and I rushed him to the children's hospital to be seen. They made him put a mask on because he sounded so sick. After a CT scan of his sinuses and an x-ray of his lungs, we were told nothing was wrong. I then went home, bypassed our now ex-pediatrician and called what I thought was the PCMC neurology department and scheduled an appointment. Of course it was three months out, but I was determined to find some answers.

A couple months later I received a packet in the mail from PCMC with papers to fill out for his upcoming appointment. I was a bit dissapointed when the paperwork was for the Pulmonology department, but figured it was better to be seen by someone now than to cancel and have to wait more.

On July 27, 2005 Brenden and I went up to the hospital for his appointment. I spoke with the nurse about his history, answered tons of questions, told her I just wanted some answers. Brenden was given PFT testing and a few other things. When we finally met Dr. U we answered his questions and I told him about Brenden. He told me that Brenden had "Seasonal Asthma" and tears began to flow down my cheeks as I struggled not to sob at his feet. Dr. U asked me what he could do to make me feel better about this appointment. I looked at him and pleaded with him to just "Start over. Do all the tests that you would do if Brenden had never seen anyone about the symptoms I described."

You see, on July 27, Brenden was not suffering from a cold and he was not sick (amazingly!) that day. The stridor was not heard and he was not wheezing. A great day for him to be stuck in the hospital, eh? The only test that puzzled Dr. U was the Pulmonary Function Testing (PFT). Brenden had pretty low levels to begin with, but when given puffs of Albuterol (the drug he had been on since he was a toddler) his levels would become worse. Dr. U said that's unusual as Albuterol opens up the airways, but on Brenden it was closing them and making it worse.

Dr. U wrote Brenden three prescriptions. One was for blood work, one for a CT scan of his lungs and one for a sleep study. The sleep study would need to be scheduled for a later date, but the other two were to be done immediately. I was shocked, to say the least. I was told to bring Brenden back in the fall (when he got his first cold). We said goodbye and I thanked him for the tests and went on our way. Looking at those two prescriptions I remember asking myself, "Which one should we do first?"

We found our way to radiology, signed in and waited. Brenden and I were taken to a large room and ushered past a small control room towards the big CT machine. I sat in a chair against the wall and was draped with a heavy vest. Brenden was such a trooper and hopped up on the table. They explained some things to us, administered the contrast into his veins and then we hear this loud whirring sound. My eyes are fixed on my son and this thing engulfing his tiny body and whirling around his body. I wanted them to find something and kept repeating softly, "Please find something. Please find something."

Photos taken during his first post-op visit.

I had to get a photo of the machine that was not blind to a mother's plea.

Just three minutes later the whirring slowed down and stopped. I was puzzled because it was so short. I looked at my son trying so hard to stay still even though the contrast was coarsing through his body and he felt like he was burning, then I glanced into the control room to witness a bunch of people in white coats huddled over a monitor and Dr. U was right there with them. My first thought was, "Why is Dr. U there? We said goodbye.". I looked at Brenden, then the nurse and suddenly (in my peripheral vision) I saw Dr. U walking towards me. I remained seated, too numb to move or speak at what was being said. My mind was racing, trying to remember where the aorta was from and as Dr. U went on, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was hearing what he was saying and I could see him, but my mind was still on the aorta. Within seconds I remembered it was the heart. The heart? What? We're not here for his heart. There must be some mistake. They were viewing his lungs, not his heart. These are the things that went through my mind. At some point, my mind and body were once again in sync and I was asking questions instead of nodding my head.

On August 22, 2005, our oldest son, Brenden, was admitted to Primary Children's Medical Center for an operation that would save his life. The surgeon Dr. K, said that when he made the cut to release the esophogus and trachea, they popped out like a tightly wound spring. They were finally free. He also noted that Brenden didn't have a dominate side where one would be larger than the other. Brenden had two narrow sides, which made his case a bit more complicated. He had tracheomalacia (as well as other issues) and they were not sure if he would get better after 11.5 years of constriction. *Edited to add* Brenden also has a PFO that they did not feel comfortable fixing at the same time they operated on the DAA. He still has a noticeable heart murmur as well. A neurologist at PCMC told us last year that PFO's do not cause migraines, though everything I get my hands on says the opposite. We aren't sure what the next step will be as far as the PFO goes.

Brenden was in the PICU for a little over 24 hours until he was moved to the cardiac floor. He and I stayed there for 5 days.

He rested....

And he played....

But, mostly, he rested.

When Brenden was discharged, we set up a temporary bedroom for him right in our living room. He stayed there for a couple weeks. After the first week it was hard keeping him down. He grew stronger each day and went back to playing ice hockey after October 28th.

Despite the fact that he still has tracheomalacia, coughing fits when he's sick or running around, susceptible to getting colds/flu, incision site pain and occasionally has trouble swallowing, he says it's no where near as bad as how he felt before.

Thank You Jesus for sending us to Dr. U. Thank You for everyone who prayed for our son, for those who helped us in every way possible. You know who you are...Thank You!

And a special note to Brenden......

Brenden,

Happy 4 years post-surgery!!! I want you to know that I worried about you from day one. I knew something was wrong and it made mommy so angry when people didn't believe me. I felt like a failure not being able to help you when you were struggling to breathe and to eat. You were so brave and coped with the illnesses, coughing and breathing well . Your strength and courage helped mom, dad, gamma and everyone who loves you get through that time. You amaze me and I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you. You have become such an amazing young man and I pray that you'll continue to deepen your relationship with Christ and develop God-centered friendships as you traverse these next few years. I hope you know how much you (and all your siblings) mean to your dad and I. We are not perfect parents and even though we allow our frustrations and anger to get the best of us, nag you to clean your room (bathrooms, kitchen, mow the lawn, etc., etc.,) I hope you know that we LOVE you so very much.

All my love,

Mom

Toyless

2009-08-19T14:52:00.000-06:00

At some point, during our busy weekend, Caleb (our 7 year old) decided that he wanted to sell all of his toys (except the Lego's, of course!) so that he could buy more Lego's. He has tried this several times before, but I've usually persuaded him not to. Caleb is not easily persuaded, however, and has researched Ebay, Target and Walmart to see how much money he needs to make so that he can buy the Lego's he wants. He even went so far as to price his used toys so that if all of them sold, he would have enough money. For sure, his math skills come from Daddy and well, we all know where his organizational and thinking ahead skills come from, right?

Right!?

I didn't get a photo of his "Toy Sale" table, but I did happen upon this little number.

This sign was made by Casey (our 13 year old) to advertise a (well played with) train table that was dontated to Caleb's cause by a neighbor who was nesting. She gave explicit instuctions that "She did not want the table back." Thanks neighbor, it's still sitting in our garage, and congrats on your new baby boy! If you didn't catch the sign, here it is again.

Coming from a child who has struggled with reading, writing and putting words into a sentence, I'm very pleased! This is amazing progress for Casey. I will have to talk to him about the value of used items, though. Fifteen dollars for this train table is bordering on "usery".

Semi-Toyless (except for thousands of Lego's and the small fact that nobody bought anything from him), Caleb began finding alternative things to play with. Since mommy and daddy would say no to real knives, no doubt, he found plastic hangers to use as weapons.

Ingenious!

After fifteen years of toys (lots of toys) and spending money on things that would entertain the kids, I wonder why we didn't think of belts and hangars much, much earlier.

International Days

2009-08-18T21:55:00.000-06:00

This past weekend was full of back-to-school shopping, an Irish dance performance and doing laundry. It was a busy weekend with gorgeous weather (for the most part).

On Friday evening we shuttled our three dancers across the valley so they could get the crowd jiggin'. We were the first performance for International Days and despite ominous thunder clouds, there was a good sized gathering. The clouds let out a few sprinkles here and there while we were performing, but didn't start to pour until our expensive wigged daughter was safe (and dry) in our car. We even got a free snowcone. Mine was Tiger's Blood and the kids had some sort of suicidal mixture that would make a sane person gag.

Casey showing off his solo Reel. Go Casey!

Seeing as I always seem to post more photo's of Chloe, you know, dancing perfectly. Ahem. I thought I would let you see that she's a real girl, with real talent and she even struggles a little. This is a great photo of Chloe "sitting" that our TCRG sent to Chloe as a visual. I showed her the photo and she groaned, I giggled and then she smiled. She's working hard to straighten those knees. Those darn knees have a mind of their own. If any Irish Dancer's read my blog and want to suggest some techniques that might help her, please leave a comment. Other than that...Chloe and Casey are well on their way to the Prelim level. Proud? You better believe it!

Check out my little guy with his naturally red-headed partner (aka. Red)!

And here they are again, my son and "Red".

Which reminds me...if a blond haired male marries a red haired female, what is the chance they will produce red haired children?

Yes, I am obessed. (You can totally see it, right?)

I love red hair and for good reason. You see, the red-haired popluation is diminishing drastically and while I cannot donate eggs or sperm to help produce more redheads, I can tell every redheaded person I meet how beautiful their hair is and try to coerce my children into marrying natural redheads.

What?! I'm joking! Sheesh.

School, school, school....literally!

2009-08-13T21:13:00.000-06:00

Our two middle children, Casey & Chloe, had "Back to School Night" tonight. The charter school hosted a yummy BBQ and the kids were able to meet some of the teachers and see their classrooms. We're new to this school and I am extremely excited for my two who are able to attend. Caleb (our baby) will still be in our local public elementary until a spot opens up for him in the 2nd grade. We hear he's #4 on the sibling list, so not too bad. I do feel bad that he isn't able to start the school year with his siblings and will be alone (without his sister), but he seems to be handling it very well. The office staff has been so patient with him (and me!). Everytime they see us Caleb asks if he can come to school there. They get down on his level and sweetly tell him that they are trying so hard to get him in and will keep trying. I pray every day for him to be accepted, but I know it's all in God's hands and in His timing. I'll try to be patient.

We went back-to-school shopping after the BBQ to gather a few supplies, so naturally, Chloe is off-the-wall deliriously happy and wants to go back to school, like, yesterday. She'll have to wait till next Wednesday though. To pass the time, she's writing her first entry in her journal for school. I think she's going to be "teacher's pet" already starting on what will most likely be her first journal assignment. Haha!

(Taken from my iPhone)

Here she is writing her name on a composition notebook (her journal).

As soon as we arrived home, Chloe was in her bedroom trying on a couple of her uniform outfits. Casey and Chloe can wear navy, white or burgandy shirts, khaki or navy bottoms, uniform color socks and any shoe as long as it has a back and a strap (or ties). In the photo above you can see her wearing another one of her outfits paired with Airwalk "kicks". A less expensive version to Converse...which I love! I refuse for them to go to school in dress pants with fat skater shoes. Maybe it's just me, but I consider Converse style shoes to be classic and can be worn with dress pants or jeans. Very versatile. The brown mary-jane's are Airwalk, too.

(Taken from my iPhone)

Speaking of shoes, I was able to find some really cute shoes for the kids this year that didn't cost me an arm and a leg. Casey, Chloe and Caleb all received a pair of Airwalk "kicks". Casey has a brown pair with some sort of skull or dragon on the side for $13.00, Chloe has the blue pair for $17.99 and Caleb has the black pair for $17.99. Simple and stylish. Chloe also got the brown mary-jane's for $15.00. Payless is having their Buy 1, Get 1 half off promotion and they recently sent out a 20% off coupon in the mail, too. I had to go to 5 different stores to find the right colors/sizes and each time they printed off which store had what I needed, it came with a coupon. The cashier at Payless either took pity on me or was really nice, but he honored both the 20% off mail coupon and another $3.00 off printed coupon. All in all, I paid $39 and some change for all four pairs of shoes! When I went to the final Payless today with my receipts and coupons, he worked his magic and ended up owing me $3.00! I even asked him if he was sure he hadn't made a mistake.

I only have a few more items to purchase for the uniformed kids. Casey needs a couple pairs of uniform pants and they both need brown/black belts, socks, haircuts and a few more school supplies that we couldn't find today. I'll be heading to Target and Office Max tomorrow for the rest. Purchasing all the stuff for our uniformed students has been a little more expensive than normal, but I'm giddy thinking about all the clothes I will not have to buy.

I was able to buy Caleb a few pairs of Old Navy jeans when they were on sale for $10 each. He will not need much (if anything) for school supplies, but I do need to buy him a few polo shirts. Since he'll be starting (hopefully) this year at the charter school, I'm buying him polo shirts to get him used to wearing them. It's a good thing he likes polo shirts! He's rather picky about his clothing (look and feel) and for a seven year old boy, it's driving me nuts! He's more irritated by the feel, than look, so we have to shop around and let him try things on. Being a seven year old boy, he's not really into shopping for anything but LEGO's, so it has been a challenge, to say the least.

As for my older sons, my amazing mom has offered to buy Brenden and Braden (aka The Twins) their school clothing and shoes. They are going to be expensive, but not because they buy expensive things, just because there are two of them. Luckily, one of my twins likes Aeropostle and I LOVE Aeropostle's sale prices! I will be watching the purchases and making sure they make wise choices. They will be going through the closet and discarding anything that is worn out, then taking note of what they really need before we go shopping. Partly because I want them to be more responsible and partly because they have a knack for charming "Gamma" into what they want. Ahem. Anyway, I'm also trying to instill in them the difference in what they need and what they want. There is a big difference, whether they like it or not. With teenagers it's hard and with my mother it's harder. I saved her lots of money in my "New Waver Thrift Store years", but she will not let me forget the $70 dollar Girbaud jeans I just had to have. What a waste! Sorry mom!

The twins will also have some hefty high school fee's this year, too. Approximately $100 each for basic fee's, $100 each for driver's education class and whatever fee's they accumulate with special class fee's (shop, art, drama, sports, etc).

In the spirit of recycling, all of my younger kids will be reusing old backpack's and totes. This will save us over $50 this year alone! Brenden & Braden will need backpack's because they were not allowed to carry any bags in their last school or wear coats in the halls or to classes. It was a rule put in place to keep the students safe. You know, just in case someone decided they wanted to carry a gun (or bomb) to school. In March, we chose to transfer them to a school a few miles from our home. It was a better school than the one in our boundary, but still riddled with gangs. Up until Tuesday evening, I was prepared to register them on Wednesday morning. That is, until my husband suggested we enroll them in a school next to his work. Was he joking? I couldn't believe he even suggested it. It was the first school I attended when we moved to Utah (I was in the old building though) and I've only heard great things about them since the new building was constructed. I couldn't sleep a wink that night because I was so afraid my hopes would be squashed by them not accepting "Out of Bound" students, but when I called first thing the next morning, I was estatic when they scheduled a registration appointment for the following Monday.

In moving them to the High School near my husbands work, they will have a better education and more opportunities for after school sports, etc. It also will make it easier on Rob when he needs to take them to our church (only a few miles away) for worship practice and High School youth service. Having them so close to their dad will also make it easy for him to take them to school and bring them home. They will not be home until when Rob would normally get home, but I hope that they are able to use the time after school to complete homework, etc.

It all sounds pretty complicated and some may wonder why we don't just keep them in our local schools or even homeschool, but while I had felt a huge relief when two of my kids were accepted into the charter school 10 minutes away, I was still torn because my fifteen year old boys were heading to a school that I was settling on (because it was the closest one to us that was better than our boundary school). Ever since Wednesday morning, I've felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I'm so relieved!

Not Me! Monday-A humourously splitting recount.

2009-08-09T22:24:00.000-06:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

As for my "Not Me! Monday" post and why I Twittered about a recent emotional meltdown, here you go.....

Sunday morning, just after getting back from a 4 day/3 night business trip, I did not wake up feeling exhausted. I also did not wonder (aloud) if I should just skip church. After hitting the snooze button several times, I did not grumble as I got out of bed.

My 10 year old daughter did not wake up crying that she didn't want to go to church, complain that she didn't know what to wear and didn't keep us waiting in the car while she tried to find a pair of shoes (even though she has a dozen pair). I was not grumpy (and tired) to begin with, so I happily helped her find a cool outfit and did not bark, "Don't even start with me this morning young lady!" as I went to wake up the others.

I did not try on several pairs of pants just to pull out a dirty pair of denim capri's from my suitcase because the other ones did not fit me. I did not want to cry because it was quite obvious that I've gained several pounds.

With five reluctant and tired children, I was not fifteen minutes late for church, did not miss 75% of worship and did not silently wish I was at home...sleeping.

I did cheer up as our pastor began preaching and was thankful that my oldest son was actually taking notes and paying attention. After service, I happily browsed the church bookstore shelves and then the kids and I headed over to another church (where my husband plays worship) so we could encourage him.

After that service, I took my younger three home and waited for my husband and our older sons to return. I wasn't feeling well and started to feel some anxiety creeping in. Shortly after they arrived, I started feeling worse. I wasn't sure why I was feeling anxious, but my heart was starting to beat fast, I was sweating and my mind was racing. I took several deep breaths and rushed to my bedroom to cry. I could feel the anxiety attack coming on and was hoping to force it away with a good cry.

My husband came in and laid next to me not knowing I had been silently weeping. He gently stroked my back and then one of my children came in (I can't recall who) and DID NOT promptly announce that I had a hole in my pants. My husband did not pat my tush and say matter-of-factly, "I know." I, therefore, was not immediately horrified when my hand reached behind me and felt a huge gaping five to six inch split instead of a tiny unnoticeable tear.

I did not begin to sob uncontrollably into my pillow while vivid pictures of me praising God with my hands held high in worship, bending over to look at books on lower shelves and bending over to pick up chocolate muffin crumbs from the sanctuary floor flashed through my already anxious mind.

My daughter did not try to console me by saying, "Mommy, you can't see it when your shirt is over it!" and my husband did not try to help me feel better by telling me that it must have happened after church (the 2nd one) because he would have noticed it. Nevermind the fact that he was up on stage leading worship when I entered the church (from the back...LATE!!) and his back was turned to me when I left. He also did not burst out laughing after calling me "pumpkin" when he realized his not-so-humerous pun. You know, seeing as my panties were ORANGE! Nope...not my sensitive husband.

Calm and collected, I did not have to take something (a medication that I've never had to take before, but prescribed to me for moments like this, I imagine.) so that I could calm down, because the very unfortunate "I don't know when my pants ripped during my very public morning" circumstance did not emotionally push me over the edge. Nope. I handled it all very well and am quite proud of my reaction to such an embarassing experience. ::sigh::

I did, however, wake up in my loving husbands arms two hours later. He held me as I took a much needed nap and I'm grateful that even though splitting ones pants is rather humerous, he understood that it was just something I could not deal with at that particular moment. Despite all the tears of anxiety and embarassment, my loving (and, yes, sensitive husband) made me laugh in the end. Oh, and um, honey? I just wanted to say "Thanks!! You're the best!"

Love,

"Pumpkin"

Business Travel

2009-08-07T23:28:00.000-06:00

I haven't been a very good blogger lately. Sorry.

This past week I've been working in and out of town. Since Wednesday I've been in St. George delivering phones. It's been a great experience for me to get away, but I've worked long days and am exhausted at this point. I am excited to go home tomorrow. Right now I am in my hotel room... blogging, when I should be sleeping.

::yawn::

I have a long drive home tomorrow so I do need to get some sleep.

G'night!!!

Basement or Bachelor Pad?

2009-07-25T03:38:00.000-06:00

Chaos has been a daily part of my life since the day after the last day of school. If you're keeping track, that's seven weeks today. Amazingly, I'm still alive. I have yet to pull my hair out, but I will admit that I've:

*Lost my cool with the kids more than I will care to admit.

*Cried a few times because I was so frustrated.

*Yelled at my husband because the kids were driving me crazy. It's his fault ya know!

*Wondered what I could do to get me arrested for the weekend. A 72 hour hold would be a vacation, dontcha think? Three meals, adult conversation, no lego's to trip on...

*Devoured a few Dairy Queen chocolate ice-cream cones.

*Developed several charts (behavior, cleaning, reward, etc) and none of them have worked.

In our house we have 5 bedroom's. Brenden & Braden share a room, Casey & Caleb share a room and Chloe has her own room. Rob and I have the Master and the last room is my craft room. I have grandiose plans to make amazing things in there, but I'm always too busy. Everybody's room is messy, including mine.

Since the beginning of this year we have decluttered and organized not one, not two, not three, not four, but five times. Five times that I've blogged about, I might add. That means I've spent the majority of this year contemplating and stressing about clutter and being unorganized. That's simply not okay.

It is pouring like mad outside right now. It's 12:31 AM, everyone is asleep and it's quiet (finally) except for the loud thunder, pelting rain on the windows and the waterfall coming from the front porch gutter. I love the rain...and the quiet...

But, I digress. The first thing I did this morning, before getting out of bed, was to pep talk myself into going downstairs. I knew what I would find, no matter what the kids said. It would be a huge mess, a disaster, broken promises, bold-faced lies and disappointment. I am never prepared for this, but I really didn't have a choice. I was down to my last pair of panties and I had no clean clothes left.

The basement (lower level where the boys rooms are, a bathroom, dance room, laundry room and living room) is my biggest nemesis. I hate going down there. Mostly because no matter how much I implement cleaning and laundry schedules, they never seem to get done. I've even stopped going downstairs to tuck the boys in or say goodnight because I just can't take it. Yep, that's me, avoiding the problem.

After hitting the bottom step I forced myself to look around the corner. I was shocked at the mess. I guess it's good that I was shocked (I still have hope), but that could mean I suffer from early onset dementia. I'm not sure which it is and I'm not ready to find out. The basement was worse than I thought and I could feel myself start to boil. I yelled for the twins to wake up and for the rest of the kids to come downstairs. I then yelled for Rob to come and see the mess. I wish I had taken pictures because you would have been absolutely horrified. There was laundry all over the place. We have tons of baskets and the kids had told me they sorted out the clothes. They had not. There was food, bowls, plates and cups hidden here and there. When we moved the sectional pieces food fell out. Animal crackers, chocolate chips and wrappers fell all over the floor as well as itty bitty Lego's. Burrito wrappers and napkins (at least they used those) were stuffed in the cushions. I was disgusted for several reasons:

1. We had just gone through this whole scenario a little over a month ago. We disciplined the kids, took away privileges and had a nice discussion about helping out and finishing chores. It stayed that way for a week or so, but then the kids destroyed it again.

2. Our major rule is that we only eat and drink in the kitchen and yet a few of my children are quick to not comply.

3. I had a busy week and I trusted that they were doing their chores. I was tired and did not follow through with checking on what they said, but at 15 and 13, I shouldn't have to. They lied to me and I allowed them to do things I wouldn't if I knew what the basement looked like.

I was just too tired and lazy to follow through. Partly because I knew what I would find and I didn't have the energy to deal with it at that moment and partly because I wanted so badly to trust that their word was good. I was disappointed in myself and them. More myself though.

So, today (a Utah holiday) was a fruitful day. After my inital freak out session, Rob and I gathered the kids in the basement and put them to work. Casey, Chloe and Caleb were sorting out all the clothes and Brenden and Braden were helping me re-organize the living room. My mom bought us a used sectional when we moved in here last August, but the kids have distroyed it. I'm so glad we didn't spend the money on a new couch! They, mostly the twins, are just hard on couches and I don't know why. Anyway, I asked Rob nicely if he would mind getting it out of the basement. It's uncomfortable to sit on and takes up so much room. The twins and Rob moved each heavy piece out to the garage so we could try to sell it or give it away. We moved our smaller couch into place, dusted all the furniture and sorted all the DVD's.

All of the boys cleaned their rooms and organized their belongings. The twins even changed around their bedroom and I was pleasantly surprised. They did a great job! They straightened up the bathroom, too. I told them they should look at everything that is in their room and ask themselves these things:

1. Do I really want to save this?

2. Do I want to clean it every week?

3. Is this trash? Clothing too worn out/holes?

They listened to me. I didn't even have to stand over them and hound them about every little piece of trash. I did have to tell them they couldn't go out with some friends to a skatepark because they wasted the day away when they could have been cleaning their room. I told them they could either do it right or they could just wake up Saturday morning and start with the room. They knew I meant business, but I didn't imagine they would really clean and organize! Maybe some of me is wearing off on them. Hey, I'm only thinking about my future daughter-in-law. I will raise son's who are willing to get up in the middle of the night with a crying baby, ready to cook a meal, clean the house and do the laundry. I will.

I've been able to venture downstairs many times today and, believe it or not, I was happy. I didn't have fears of possible anxiety attacks and that is a good thing. I wish my children would understand how much energy I have when things are clean and picked up and how miserable I feel when things are messy and overwhelming.

When the big cleaning fest was over, I was able to get six loads of laundry done. Today (Saturday), we will wash the remaining clothing/towels/sheets. This will put us back on track for Monday morning when our previously defunct laundry schedule will be resurrected once again.

Laundry Schedule

Monday- Casey & Caleb

Tuesday-Brenden & Braden

Wednesday-Chloe

Thursday-Mom & Dad

Friday- Make up day so we can remain a little flexible.

Saturday- Sheets, towels, blankets.

My first set of schoolers will head off to school in just three and a half weeks. That's not long. We have tons of things to do (swim, bbq's, pay school fees, etc) before then and I am going to try hard to make this schedule work. Again. So, unless I want to live off anti-anxiety meds I need to start crackin' the whip. On me!

No more being lazy! It doesn't take long to check if chores were completed.

Check the basement each day, no matter what.

Follow up on what needs to be done, redone. Don't let it go!

Issue proper restrictions if needed.

Keep at it! It will get better!

Is it really only Friday?

2009-07-17T22:13:00.001-06:00

I chose this photo because there is absolutely NOTHING on the floor. No clutter, no trash and nothing hanging over the railing to dry. Amazing! I also chose it because I miss Casey and his sense of humor. I can't wait till he comes home from Youth Camp.

Tomorrow is the last day of Irish Dance Camp. I love dance camp, but it's very tiring for upper level dancers and their parents. Especially if you have more than one dancer in different levels. I feel like I haven't been home much at all. I came home yesterday with the intention to do laundry and clean a bathroom, but I made macaroni & cheese & frozen taquitos and popped in a movie while the kids played. We then went to Dairy Queen for some ice cream cones because I'm a nice mommy and well, a yummy chocolate cone sounded scrumptious. Today was dance camp and from 10 AM - 9 PM I was gone. We also had our annual Dance Camp BBQ at a local pool, so coming home to ~~finish the laundry I started yesterday~~ start the laundry I've been neglecting didn't happen. We arrived home around 9:oo and I am too tired to do anything, but type this blog, read some blogs and go to bed in approximately 15 minutes.

Chloe has learned so much at this dance camp and I'm very proud of her amazing growth this past year. Casey has been at youth camp, but will be home tomorrow to catch the end of dance camp. He will have to work hard to catch up with everyone else, but he can do it.

Rob has been up at youth camp with Casey and things have been amazingly calm around the homefront. I didn't get anxious or frustrated and I didn't cry because I was overwhelmed. In fact, I never was overwhelmed. This is an amazing accomplishment for me.

Only a couple catastrophes happened this week while Rob was gone:

1. Lilo dumped a tall glass of water on our iHome. It's making funny noises, so I unplugged it, let it dry and took the batteries out. I'm so bummed!

2. Brenden & Braden (TweedleDum & TweedleDee) went swimming yesterday and didn't put on any sunscreen. They came home as lobsters and today Brenden has been pretty sick with tiny blisters on his back. I'll keep watching him.

Not so bad, but two things I wish didn't happen. I am extremely tired and need to relax, so I'm going to take a break from the blog for a couple days. I need to get my house in order (too many loads of laundry) and spend some time with my hubby when he returns. A very special day is coming up next week. I'm so excited! Can anyone guess what it is?

Big Canyon Ranch

2009-07-14T08:30:00.000-06:00

This is where our daughter is until the middle of this week. I'm sure she's loving every minute of it. I miss her, but I'm glad she had the opportunity to go. Our 13 year old will get his chance starting Wednesday evening.

Now this is my kind of camp!

The Grove, where they worship and pray. It's beautiful down here!

When you walk in the front door, this is what you see.

Chloe's bunk. She wanted top bunk and got it! She loves her leader, Lauren. I'm glad she is comfortable there. I hated leaving home. I think it was because I knew I couldn't just call my mom and say "Hi, I love you." Very scary for a small child. Anyway, Chloe had to be coerced to come downstairs and give her daddy and I a kiss and a hug. She happily gave us one of each, but was having so much fun she forgot to say "Bye!".

I bet these would look even more beautiful in the wild. Regardless of my personal feelings of killing things and stuffing them to hang on a wall, they do appeal to the rustic feel of the cabin.

A little kitchenette. How quaint! How come I didn't get to camp like this?

A lone picnic bench. I imagine many people were prayed for right here and possibly many lives (young and old) were forever changed.

The pond.

The temporary mess hall. The larger one will be built soon.

The patio outside of the temporary mess hall.

An innovative fly-trap.

Garbage can with a fly trap over it. They also had many fly traps hanging from tree's around the camp. I plan to find out what it is this week.

The view from upstairs.

I hope my daughter and son enjoy their time at the ranch this week. I pray that their lives will be forever changed, that they will boldly follow Christ and further their relationship with Him.

God Bless, my little ones. Jesus loves you!